Memory is a gift.

Across the room from me, there are 36 pink, heart-shaped post-its pressed against the wall, though some curl at the edges like crippling flowers. These little notes are my room’s version of a photo album. For some people, pictures are some of the most important memories because they are able freeze a moment onto a sheet so they can relive it in their minds later.

Scribbled onto these post-its on the wall are quotes my roommates and I have said to each other that we’ve found humorous. This kind of memory is able to capture a personality. Whether it’s an opinion about something or someone, a whitty remark, a miscommunication or ignorance about something that makes us laugh is a way for us to remember each other and smile.

Memory can sometimes feel like a curse, but to remember things like your adventures into new places, your failures that became lessons, your loved ones whose bodies now shrink in boxes underneath marble nametags is a gift.

Memories become pillows and chocolate on the days you wish life wasn’t such a pain in the ass. Those moments in those pictures will never be lived again, or at least not in the same way; just as those moments on our post-its will never be relived except in our minds.

So when opportunities arise, take the chance to make some memories that you’ll want to remember. I’m almost 22, and already I have done and seen so much that it excites me to no end to think that this is only the beginning. Fear and worry are your enemies. They will do nothing for you, so don’t welcome them. Try new things, go to new places before you tire out and don’t have the energy to go anymore. Already I feel more tired than I felt even a year ago.

As addicting as Facebook is, it’s not going to do much for you. Of all the things you post on Pinterest, how many are you actually going to do/make/look at again? Trust me, I have these problems too. But remember how precious time is. Take your lazy day when you need it, follow the rules so you don’t get fired, but there is so much life in the trees just outside your door, and we have a tendency to use that time to sprawl on the couch and watch a second movie we’ve already seen. Even in your priorities, there’s life and excitement that you haven’t noticed. Never lose your sense of adventure, of wonder, of a love for life, for people, and for God. Let your mind be as free as that of a child.

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Do this in case of memory loss.

I’ve alwas been kinda bad at keeping a journal. I love to write, but I like writing stories that I haven’t heard before. Writing in a journal felt like copying someone’s story because I’m already living it. Tonight I watched the movie “The Vow” with Channing Tatum and it gives me more motivation to keep up a journal, whether I just put in a couple sentences, or I write a couple pages. I like to pretend that I know where I’m going, but I really don’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen, and just because getting in a car accident and losing some memory seems unlikely to me, doesn’t mean that I’m free from it. I guard my heart pretty close, and it can be hard for me to trust some people, but in a lot of ways I trust myself, so if I keep some tabs and memories on hand, if I ever need to re-read it or just look back on a memory, it’ll be coming from ME, and not someone who thinks they know all about me, because no one will ever really know all about me.

Find something to do, make, write, sculpt that will say something about you, who you are, what you are, how you see yourself, where you stand in the world. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves who we are, whether that is because of a little memory loss, or getting stuck in life, and needing to look back and figure out where we went wrong. If we don’t remember who we are, we will be lost forever.

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You are the driver. So drive.

I was looking through some past journals today, and got to thinking about old times. I love memories. I love being able to picture the cabin by the lake when we went fishing in a speed boat; or when we go to my grandma’s house to go offroading in the summer, hundreds of deep green trees spanning the hills, covering everything like umbrellas. Memories keep me going, especially on days I work long hours and just want to go home, or when I’m crammed studying for 3 tests I have the next day. Memories keep you strong, keep you pushing, keep your hopes up, and become the cushions of old age, the stories you tell your grandkids like the ones my grandma tells me.

But I think sometimes we think too much about them. We look back on fun times and think it will never get any better than that…but it can. Don’t let memories hold you down and become an excuse of why you can’t do something. If you have a bad past, don’t let it ruin your future. Anyone can start over, anyone can make their lives better as they get older, you just have to have a positive attitude  If you’re usually a pessimist, shut up for a second and try saying something optimistic, even if you don’t believe it at the present time. If YOU think there isn’t a chance in hell, then there wont be, because YOU are the only one holding you back. Life has mountains for a reason–to see how far you are willing to go, to see how much you are willing to push yourself to do something.

Give optimism a shot, and don’t let memories cloud your judgement. You are the driver. So drive.

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“My Business is to Create…”

I used to write songs a lot. A lot of times I’d babble words just looking for a tune and I’d end up saying something and get to thinking, “You know, maybe I could make something out of that.”  As with my stories, I want people to learn something or at least get something out of the things I write. Not everyone will, but even though we are all different, we share some experiences or feelings that come from related topics. Music affects people, and sometimes when you are simply saying words, it doesn’t have the same effect as it does when you add a tune to it, especially when that tune matches  what you are trying to say.

It kinda bugs me when people say they can’t write. Trust me, everyone can write. It may not be good writing, but everyone can write a simple song about a simple experience; you just may not have the patience to write a 500 page book. Not everyone may be able to figure out what should happen in a book or how to get the reader to fall in love with the character, but anyone can write a poem about the things found in a messy room, a letter to a best friend, a journal entry after a bad day.

Write, paint, sew, decorate, mold, carve, dance, sing, act…Whatever you do, create.

“My business is to create.”–P.S. I Love You

Make it your business 🙂

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Fall in Love with an Animal

My dog Bosten Terrier named Riva died yesturday. She choked on a steak bone and they couldn’t get it out of her asophagus because it was too lodged in and we had to put her down. We’ve had her for ten years. She was my first puppy and I grew up with her. That was hard by itself…

What made it worse was three weeks ago our dog Trooper, a shitzu/poodle mix, got hit by a van on the road. The van didn’t honk, didn’t slow down, didn’t stop to say sorry. He wasn’t even technically our dog either. My sister’s boyfriend had been living with us for almost two years, and he had gotten Trooper as a puppy and Trooper lived with us as well. My sister and Matt had just broken up recently, but Matt needed someone to watch Trooper while he was on a trip to Baltimore, so we did…and Trooper died the day before Matt got back home. Some welcome home present. Matt was still getting over the fact that my sister dumped him…

We still have two dogs left–a sixteen year old pug named Abby and a three year old Chihuahua named Toby. Abby will probably die at least of old age in the next couple years…

I came home last night, and Toby was the only one who greeted me home. His was the only bark I heard. Abby is more of a moving couch and sleeps all the time…but both Riva and Trooper’s barks are absent now, and it makes this house really quiet and empty.

I am so tired of crying. It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I kept wishing when I woke up that it would be Sunday so I could stop her from eating the steak bone. She has been eating steak bones all her life, it’s the chicken bones we have kept away from her…

I feel God has a reason for everything he does, and I think he took Trooper because it freed my sister from Matt. Trooper was basically the only thing keeping them together, so God released the two from each other.

As for Riva, I thought about it all day yesturday. Maybe Riva is gone, because my sister will probably be moving out in the next year, and this way all of us got to see her. I had just come home from college this weekend to help at my grandma’s house, and she died the day I went back. For both dogs, my sister had to tell me their death over the phone. It’s like getting dumped over a text. It sucks.

But I got to see Riva this weekend. I got to play with her and spend some time just having her curled up next to my leg on the recliner while we watched a movie. In a way, I think she knew something was going to happen. She was acting a little weird Sunday afternoon–shaking, though she wasn’t cold, and just seemed restless. I couldn’t figure out what she wanted. She seemed happy though. I remember her smile. She was a good girl. The best I’ve ever had.

What is it about dogs? They don’t have to say anything, they just have to be around to make you happy. They are always happy to see you, whether you’ve been gone for ten days or ten minutes. They love with everything they have. If only we humans could learn to give such love so freely.

Dog and human deaths are different. I don’t really know how to say why, but I’ll work on it. I’ve cried more over this dog than some funerals I’ve been to. When you love so deeply, it hurts more than normal when they are gone…but I’d rather dwell on the memories and feel lucky that I got the chance to have her, than to have never known her at all. As I cry, part of me doesn’t believe it, but that’s only because I’m in the hurting stage, and it’s the transition that’s troublesome. But God would never put us through anything we can’t handle, and he knows we are strong enough to handle this.

People die. Animals die. And they will keep dying. If we tuck ourselves away because we are afraid to cry over death, then we will end up crying anyway from how empty our lives would be.

We will probably buy another dog this summer, we will fall in love with it, and she, too, will die. But that doesn’t stop us from buying her. Everyone needs love in their lives, and dogs help hold us together.

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It’s where the heart is…

Home is where my heart lays in barn dances on saturday nights, home-grown beef for supper, and a family who drinks the grocery store’s supply of coffee. I had the best childhood ever, and I think it’s because of my parents that I chose a college only an hour from home. I like getting out there to start my own life, but through that life, I don’t want to be far from my family so I can still see them from time to time, otherwise I’d probably move to Texas. I went there on a vacation with my sister August 2010, and I fell in love with the place. I almost didn’t want to come home because I felt like I fit in down there, but then I come home and realize that no matter where I go, Minnesota will always be home, and I will always find my way back here no matter where I go for periods of time.

I saw a post on Facebook that said this:

“My curfew was the street lights, and my mom didn’t call my cell, she yelled “time to come in.” I played outside with friends, not online. If I didn’t eat what my mom made me, then I didn’t eat. Hand sanitizer didn’t exist, but you COULD get your mouth washed out with soap. I rode my bike without a helmet. And getting dirty was okay. Click “Like” if you drank water from the garden hose and survived.”

That was my childhood. Heck, I still drink from the hose. Nothing is better than well water. I also realized how much I miss home cooked food after months of college food. I watched the movie “Sweet Home Alabama” today and realized that is kinda how my life is. I speed to get off the highway, but then slow down once I get back on those curvy country roads where I find my peace. Small town life is awesome.

Even if your past might not have been all that great, it got you to where you are today (which is hopefully a good place. If not, maybe you should look at the direction you are headed). Refresh yourself of past memories that taught you something, made you happy, or made you laugh, because you are going to need stories to tell your grandkids 🙂

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