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Posts Tagged ‘summer’

I slept in till 10 this morning and realized I had to go to work at 3:30. I was annoyed. I’m not a big fan of working nights because everything happens at night. I sat up in bed and started wondering, “Is this it?” I will wake up everyday, get some housework done, go to work, come home and eat supper, and go back to bed. I love the people at my job, but I’m getting really tired of the actual job part. I’m a waitress, and though I like jobs where I work with my hands, sometimes I wish I could just quit. 

Then I started realizing that maybe that’s why I’m a Writing major. I would love to find a writing job where I could work from home. I like being home. I’ve been going going going all the time ever since I got back from Italy at the beginning of May, and now it’s June already.

Where are you at in your life? I decided that since I have homework that I don’t want to do and work that I don’t want to go to today,  that I am going to sit for an hour and do something that I actually want to do–read a book that I’m not forced to read. For you, maybe it’s going for a run or riding your horse. Maybe it’s watching your favorite TV show, movie, playing a game, working out, reading the Bible. 

There may be days where you are frustrated or upset about something, but if there is a way to change that for yourself, then do it. Keep a little time stowed away for yourself, even if that means you may have to stay up a little later. Do something that will make you smile, because no day should be smile-less.

I may have woken up disappointed, but that doesn’t mean I need to keep myself at that level. 

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My dog Bosten Terrier named Riva died yesturday. She choked on a steak bone and they couldn’t get it out of her asophagus because it was too lodged in and we had to put her down. We’ve had her for ten years. She was my first puppy and I grew up with her. That was hard by itself…

What made it worse was three weeks ago our dog Trooper, a shitzu/poodle mix, got hit by a van on the road. The van didn’t honk, didn’t slow down, didn’t stop to say sorry. He wasn’t even technically our dog either. My sister’s boyfriend had been living with us for almost two years, and he had gotten Trooper as a puppy and Trooper lived with us as well. My sister and Matt had just broken up recently, but Matt needed someone to watch Trooper while he was on a trip to Baltimore, so we did…and Trooper died the day before Matt got back home. Some welcome home present. Matt was still getting over the fact that my sister dumped him…

We still have two dogs left–a sixteen year old pug named Abby and a three year old Chihuahua named Toby. Abby will probably die at least of old age in the next couple years…

I came home last night, and Toby was the only one who greeted me home. His was the only bark I heard. Abby is more of a moving couch and sleeps all the time…but both Riva and Trooper’s barks are absent now, and it makes this house really quiet and empty.

I am so tired of crying. It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I kept wishing when I woke up that it would be Sunday so I could stop her from eating the steak bone. She has been eating steak bones all her life, it’s the chicken bones we have kept away from her…

I feel God has a reason for everything he does, and I think he took Trooper because it freed my sister from Matt. Trooper was basically the only thing keeping them together, so God released the two from each other.

As for Riva, I thought about it all day yesturday. Maybe Riva is gone, because my sister will probably be moving out in the next year, and this way all of us got to see her. I had just come home from college this weekend to help at my grandma’s house, and she died the day I went back. For both dogs, my sister had to tell me their death over the phone. It’s like getting dumped over a text. It sucks.

But I got to see Riva this weekend. I got to play with her and spend some time just having her curled up next to my leg on the recliner while we watched a movie. In a way, I think she knew something was going to happen. She was acting a little weird Sunday afternoon–shaking, though she wasn’t cold, and just seemed restless. I couldn’t figure out what she wanted. She seemed happy though. I remember her smile. She was a good girl. The best I’ve ever had.

What is it about dogs? They don’t have to say anything, they just have to be around to make you happy. They are always happy to see you, whether you’ve been gone for ten days or ten minutes. They love with everything they have. If only we humans could learn to give such love so freely.

Dog and human deaths are different. I don’t really know how to say why, but I’ll work on it. I’ve cried more over this dog than some funerals I’ve been to. When you love so deeply, it hurts more than normal when they are gone…but I’d rather dwell on the memories and feel lucky that I got the chance to have her, than to have never known her at all. As I cry, part of me doesn’t believe it, but that’s only because I’m in the hurting stage, and it’s the transition that’s troublesome. But God would never put us through anything we can’t handle, and he knows we are strong enough to handle this.

People die. Animals die. And they will keep dying. If we tuck ourselves away because we are afraid to cry over death, then we will end up crying anyway from how empty our lives would be.

We will probably buy another dog this summer, we will fall in love with it, and she, too, will die. But that doesn’t stop us from buying her. Everyone needs love in their lives, and dogs help hold us together.

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