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Posts Tagged ‘afraid’

It doesn’t bother me that I’m going to die someday. But I’m already tearful at the thought of having to be at the funerals of people I love before I come to my own. But great loss can only come from great love. And great love is worth every tear.

Sometimes I’m afraid to love because to love someone means to give in to a vulnerability that gives them the option of hurting me, whether that means leaving me or dying. But as terrifying as vulnerability is, we can’t be fully happy or even fully ourselves without it. Walls come down one way or another, we just get the option of taking them down ourselves or having them crash around us in ashes.

Be wise with whom you open yourself to, but make sure there is at least someone in your life you can be vulnerable with. It will eventually lead to loss, but you will have great loss anyway if you never give yourself the chance to experience great love. A life without love is empty.

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I am going to write this now, in case I somehow receive a ton of money and become selfishly absorbed. As of this moment, I plan on making sure I don’t let myself make money or things a priority in my life. I don’t think we ever really intend to in the first place, but as we become absorbed with cell phones, we find that we want to spend money on the best and brightest. Ipods, laptops, sound systems, TVs, houses, cars, RVs, furniture,dogs, flowers, food, fridges, ovens, paintings, yada yada, yap yap. The list is endless with which you can be picky, spendy, greedy, stupid. There are shops full of stuff to buy that is pointless. You buy it because it’s funny, and then all of a sudden you have a box full of crap that you don’t even know what to do with. I’m afraid of becoming a hoarder, so if I buy less stuff, that is less likely to happen.

Now don’t get me wrong–things age and need to be replaced. I’m just saying buy what’s wise, not necessarily what’s hip and cool. One of my friends is a Coupon Queen, and that is a smart way to go if you give a little time and organization. 

But why I’m writing this, is because when I get older and have a family, I don’t know what my financial situation is going to be. I don’t know where I’ll be working, where I’ll be living, and I could either be just getting by or rolling in the big bucks. All I know, is that I don’t want to let it change me. Money is a material that can either be a tree in your mind or a dust bunny.

Think about it, we all have money trees. You go to work, make your money, give it back to the community when buying food for your family, donating to a cancer cause,  just to make it back to spend it again. A tree grows leaves, but can’t grow them back again until they are let go and given to the ground. 

But then some are hoarders of their money, dust bunnies. You may spend it, but it is things on yourself, and it keeps piling up either in your bank account or in your house. You may play in the stock market or casino, but what you win you bet again at the casino to get more.

It never gets better, because it blinds you into an obsession. Once you get more, you think you can get even more than that if you made it that far. It is just paper that can burn, plastic cards that can melt, yet these thin, material things swallow us whole. Once you’re in, it’s hard to pull yourself back out. 

If you feel the tug, take your Mom out and buy her lunch instead of letting her pay for you. Mow someone’s yard or babysit for free. When buying gas, surprise someone by buying theirs as well, or when in the drive-thru line, pay for the person behind you. These little acts of kindness not only bring a joy to your own heart, but they free you from the grip of money. You only need so much, the rest is just because you want it. Put some away in a savings account for college if you want, but don’t wrap yourself up in stuff. You don’t need to be at the casino every other day.

My parents never bought me video games because they didn’t want me spending all my time inside on them. I had Barbies and used my imagination and brought them to life. i ran around in fresh air and got muscle from helping my dad feed cows. I got my tan not from a tanning bed but from mowing the lawn and picking up hay bales from the field by hand. I learned patience from fishing with my dad and to work for what I want by getting a job instead of my parents paying for me.

Don’t let yourself or your kids get wrapped up in material things. There is a ton to do that doesn’t involve electronics. Teach yourself how to play the guitar because music is good for the soul. Pick up a pencil and try drawing a picture, even if you think you suck. No one has to see it but you. Go for a run in the fresh air or plant a vegetable garden so you don’t have to buy as much at the store. Get an old notebook and write a song or a poem. Turn off the TV and read a book. You use your imagination more when reading a book than watching what is shown to you on a screen. Go to a park and play fetch with your dog.

And remember this: If you don’t give now, what makes you think you’ll give later?

Live through life, not through money. 

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Without even going any further, I’m sure you have a pretty good idea what I’m talking about.

The List. A man’s worst nightmare. The checkpoints that supposedly makeup your ideal man, maybe the perfect man, maybe the man that ends up being gay or simply something you copied from a Disney story. Maybe he’s one of the heroes on TV that knows just what to say to make a woman go weak at the knees just by watching. He doesn’t exist, sweetheart. If you put that much pressure on men, you will just make them confused and exhausted.

I think at first we start out broad—handsome, funny, tall.

But as the months go on, it gets more specific—optimistic, similar interests, gets along with family and friends.

And then it becomes almost obnoxiously pinpointed—guitar player, can cook, loves cats.

No offense to the guys that might be reading this, but you can’t expect much from men. I think the less that you expect, the more they tend to surprise you. Sometimes the qualities you are looking for, or that you think you want, are not necessarily what’s best for you or what you will be happy with.

For example, if you want to marry a doctor is it because he likes making people healthy again, or because it means he has money? Do you even know how busy doctors are? If you think he has the time to both work and wait on you hand and foot, then you are sadly mistaken.

I think some people underestimate personality. Just because he may not always look cute, does not mean he isn’t the funniest person you’ve ever met. Sometimes their personality makes them handsome.

Sometimes I believe in the phrase “What’s meant to be will always find its way,” and then other times I believe that’s crap because of how people use it. You can’t sit on your ass and then say “If God wants me to get married, I’ll get married.” You actually have to put forth some effort to get the answers you’re looking for. Shocking, I know.

Now there should be some sort of attraction between the two of you that is more than just sexual, or your relationship will never be happy. (some people need to remember this: just because he may be good in bed, doesn’t mean that he will be a suitable husband for you. Whether you like it or not, there has to be an actual good relationship. Eventually good sex won’t be enough. I know couples who get divorced because of this.)

Somehow, many people are surprised when a quiet person and a social person end up being together. This does not surprise me at all. I am a bit more quiet, so I look for people who talk more than me because I am a listener.

However, yes you should keep open-minded, but whether we like it or not, all of us have something that is somewhat of a requirement for us. Think about what yours are without making a list three pages long.  One of mine is the guy needs to be a Christian because I want my family to put God first in everything they do.

Don’t be afraid to wait, but that doesn’t mean you need to turn down everyone who comes along.

That probably sounds more complicated than what it really is, but you’ll figure it out 😉

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You see pictures of some sort of group of black and white animals with a colored animal either by itself or in the middle of the group, sometimes doing something stupid. Underneath it says something cliche like “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” or “An original is worth more than a copy.”

You start thinking, “You know, they’re right. I am unique.”

Then commercials come on with overweight people who lost 100 pounds and show the chick with nice abs. You change the channel and you see Covergirl models with beautiful flowing hair and clear skin. You change again and they’re the newest fashion or showing you the newest Iphone 12, though they just made one eight months ago.
So basically they mean: yeah, you can be yourself. But if you buy all this crap you can be awesome. Be like everyone else, because we don’t really care about you; we just want your money, so we will tell you that you look beautiful in anything if it means you will buy it.

They take movies that could be made into one and split them up in to three. They write survival guides for the end of the world. What a joke. If it’s the end of the world, no one is surviving it, and even if you did, why would you want to? I’d rather be killed in seconds by my house crushing me than to survive and freeze to death in the next ice age.

They are taught to be good sellers. They use the right colors, put ads in the right places, make you think that you need something better or different than where you’re at. Sometimes you need it, sometimes you don’t.
But you know what? That doesn’t always make you happy either. If you sway your hips towards the hottest guy and he sees something for you because you talk the talk and wear the small black dress, good for you, I guess. You can watch the movies and YouTube videos that tell you how to get the guy or girl and how to make him fall for you. But what happens when you get married and you get tired of playing the part all the time? What happens when he or she finds out who you really are? Eventually, you’re going to get tired of being what they are looking for and strive to find yourself back. Well they didn’t want the real you, they wanted the you that you let them think was you.

Maybe you can keep up the act, but then it just makes you exhausted. You can’t just be happy because you are too busy keeping up with what they expect out of you. What’s the point in getting the “right guy,” or whatever it may be, if you can’t even just enjoy it? Isn’t it easier to just act and be the way you normally are?
I’ve gotten to the point when I roll my eyes at the pictures that say “Be Yourself,” because sometimes they are from the same people that throw the pictures of beautiful people at you. But if you can look past the clichés, reach into yourself and see that they have a point. Don’t follow the world, because the world is going to shit with people who are obsessed with money, good looks, and constantly being sarcastic with tiny shorts and plunging necklines. But screw them. I wear baseball caps when I’m having a bad hair day, sweatpants when I feel like being comfortable while I’m out and about, and eat the movie popcorn without thinking about how I’m going to have to go for a run on the treadmill when I get home.

Sure, working out to get a little skinnier will make you healthier, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a size one. If you want to splurge a little on a shirt that you’ve been wanting, go for it. They may lie to you by saying it’s cute, but if you like it then that’s what matters. By buying a shirt or a plate of food that you probably didn’t need, we are actually keeping companies in business so their employees don’t lose their jobs. Just don’t overdo it. Just because you like clothes, doesn’t mean you need new ones every week, especially the ones that degrade you by being see-through and itty-bity. You’re setting yourself up to be someone’s imaginative porn star. You deserve better than that.

If you don’t treat yourself or your body with any respect, don’t expect any respect from anyone else.

If you act like someone you’re not, you are going to end up with someone who isn’t right for you. The person who will make you happiest is the person who loves the person you really are.

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I have wondered about this the past few “apocalypses.”

If you are, why are you afraid?

Are you afraid to die? Do you really think that life on Earth is going to be better than life in heaven? Is it because you want to sin some more before you go to heaven? Do you think you will even go to heaven? What makes you think so? Do you know not everyone will?

Do you even believe in heaven or hell? Do you think this is all there is? We live and die and then we are erased? Or do you believe in reincarnation? If so, you’ll have another life again anyway, although I don’t believe in reincarnation.

If you are afraid of going to hell, then maybe you should take a look at what you are doing with your life. One day, you will be forgotten, because everyone who knows you will eventually die too. A lot of people get upset by this fact, but I don’t see why. Why do you need to be remembered by mere humans? Famous people become used by others, because most humans are always thinking about themselves, not you. This is how you get fake friends, fake love, fake respect. People like your looks, your money, your mind…but honestly, they don’t really care about you. And these are the people you want to remember you? Because once you are gone, they move on to a new idol.

The One who knows your name, your faults, fears and pain, your likes and dislikes, the One who has always watched over you, remembers you, the only One who can throw you in hell or bring you to heaven…is the One that is ignored.

We all want to think of God as this guy who loves everything and everyone all the time, sunshine and daisy man. We almost think of Him as a pushover…Yes, God loves us, but there is a reason that the people who love and follow Him also have a healthy fear of Him. We understand what He can do to us, what one day He will have to do to some whom have overcome their hearts with self-love and sin….He will have to throw them into the fire. We are all sinful people, but it’s the ones who want to overcome sin, who choose God over sin, that God wants in His kingdom.

Are you overcome with self-love? Are you one of the people who joke saying, “I might as well live it up and party hard since I’m going to hell anyway.” I used to joke about hell, but it is not a place to joke about. We can imagine whatever we want, but it’ll never come close to the real thing. We know nothing of suffering. No one.

But then stuff like that makes people afraid of hell and Satan. I used to be one of those people too. But like I said, you are only going to hell if you don’t pass through Jesus. He’s the One who died for you, so He’s the One whom will get you in to heaven. Satan will do everything he can to scare you, to get you to sin because sinning is easy. But that’s all Satan can do–scare you. You make your own choice to sin. Why are you afraid of Satan, when God is throwing him along with Satan’s followers into the pit?

God is above everything. When Lucifer wanted God to use His power to control us, God said no. Do you even realize how amazing that is? The gift of free will? The ability to choose? God does not want to control His loved ones, He wants us to willingly choose Him before He brings us to His kingdom. This life is our test. He wants us to live and be happy here the best we can, but sin is not happiness. If it were, He would not throw it in the pit.

I am not trying to preach at you, and if that’s how it feels, I really am sorry. I just want to know why you are afraid to die, when you know you will be dying eventually anyway. This is not the world God wants for us anymore, because it was taken hold of by sin when we chose to disobey Him with the apple. The only rule He had, we broke. But He wants to give us a re-do. He doesn’t want to destroy us, but God is not tame. He does what He has to, because He will not tolerate sin in His kingdom, just like you may not want to tolerate screaming and whiny kids in your house.

But when we strip ourselves of the layers of greed and grudges, of lust and hate, of violence and acting like we are above one another…when we decide that living for Him is more fulfilling than living for ourselves…when we realize just how in the wrong we are, and we ask God to forgive us though we have no reason to deserve such a blessing…that is when we let God into our hearts. That is when He forgives us for our sin because He loves us. He doesn’t need us, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t want us.

I’m sure there’s arguments about this post, and if you would like to discuss anything, feel free to email me–you will find my email on the right side of the page under “Need to Chat Privately”…but I hope you will at least think about some of the things I’ve said. Are you afraid to die? Email me why.

In case some of you don’t know or just forgot….humanity will never know when the world will end. So you can stop buying the “End of the World Survival Guides” and stocking up on dozens of packs of water and food, because you are wasting your time, your money, and adding more pimples and worry lines than you need. When the world does end, none of us are getting out of it alive, so you might as well just settle down and go spend time with your family instead.

Death is not meant to be a frightening thing. It is simply the end of one thing to make room for a new beginning somewhere else. If you are afraid, maybe you should look inside yourself to see why you are afraid.

I, for one, will wait patiently on the Lord until He calls me home. I pray my family will come with me, but when I meet Jesus face to face, I will forget everything else, because nothing else will matter. In a way, I am excited to die. But I believe God keeps us on Earth until our time is up. To kill ourselves before He wants us gone is almost an insult. I pray if things are rough for you right now, that you take it day by day. Ask God for guidance, because He wants to guide you. He will never lead you in to something you can’t handle…but when we ignore His voice and drag ourselves into a pit of misery, we only have ourselves to blame. But to bring yourself out of that, you need to let Him lead you. Satan wants to take over your mind, but God does not enter our hearts until we allow Him in, because we have to choose to let Him in.

–Matthew 24:36 “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.”

–Luke 21:36 “But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

Peace and Blessings everyone.

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For every voice that tells someone they are idiotic, there should be two voices telling them they are wonderful.

For every two voices that tell someone they can’t make it, there should be five voices telling them they can.

If you tear someone down too much, after awhile, they start believing you.

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