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Posts Tagged ‘happy’

It doesn’t bother me that I’m going to die someday. But I’m already tearful at the thought of having to be at the funerals of people I love before I come to my own. But great loss can only come from great love. And great love is worth every tear.

Sometimes I’m afraid to love because to love someone means to give in to a vulnerability that gives them the option of hurting me, whether that means leaving me or dying. But as terrifying as vulnerability is, we can’t be fully happy or even fully ourselves without it. Walls come down one way or another, we just get the option of taking them down ourselves or having them crash around us in ashes.

Be wise with whom you open yourself to, but make sure there is at least someone in your life you can be vulnerable with. It will eventually lead to loss, but you will have great loss anyway if you never give yourself the chance to experience great love. A life without love is empty.

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I was reading in 2 Corinthians today and I came across a verse that I feel like writing about. Please don’t let that scare you away. Maybe you’ll find it interesting.

2 Corinthians 5:6 says “Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.”

Paul was just talking about how we are confident not in ourselves, but in God. No one can stand against God, so if He is on our side, no one can stop us.

Anyway, this verse hit me because for a moment I was confused. It seemed like it had been saying that we shouldn’t feel happy here. Now I have a different look on it.

This world is not our home. It is a waiting place until we reach our real home. Some will call theirs heaven, some will call theirs hell. We aren’t supposed to want to stay here. The more comfortable you are with the world and do what the world does, the farther you allow yourself to be away from God because this is not the world God wants for us. We allowed Satan to take over so we have allowed chaos to happen to us.

A friend once told me, “For those going to heaven, this is the closest to hell they’ll ever see. For those going to hell, this is the closest to heaven they’ll ever see.” God wants people who want to be with Him. He’d never force someone to be with Him, which is why there is Free Will. The absence of God is hell. It’s not that He wants to send people there; it’s that they wanted to be on their own, and you will find yourself falling into more and more holes when you don’t allow God into your life. There will always be a space that you can’t fill because it’s a space that belongs to God, since we are made from Him.

Everyone will have some sort of suffering or trial in their lives. Multiple. But your faith isn’t tested when your happy and living well. It is tested through trials to see how you handle situations when there are bumps in the road.

So find someone to spend your life with, make a family, find a job. . .but don’t think that this is the best it’ll ever be. I am not afraid to die because where I’m going will be better than this place can ever be. I hope you find the same hope as well. 

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I was flipping through facebook pictures of a classmate we lost 2 and a half years ago and couldn’t help thinking back to the last time I had seen her before she died, her funeral.

I remember the line of people at her wake that stretched out the church doors and down the gravel road. The sobs that grew like a coming car as new people stepped in front of her casket, needing to look away, yet not wanting to. 

Fresh notes tack onto her Facebook wall every now and then when a memory is sparked in the mind of a friend. Words of fun and laughter, always ending with an “I miss you.”

I didn’t know her well, and even I am trying to hold back tears. She was so loved by everyone. And that was because she loved everyone. She was only 20, but she affected more people around her than many ever do in a lifetime.

It made me think—when I die, what message am I leaving? Who would I be remembered as? Am I pointing people in the direction of love as much as I am in the direction of God? Will I be remembered as the optimistic one who was there for others, or the pessimistic one who complained?

As this world gets worse, I want to strive to be someone who gives people hope, makes people laugh, reminds them how much I care. I want to leave a legacy. Strive in your own life to leave behind the memory of someone who cared. 

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This has been the busiest summer of my life. I wish the days had been longer, and that winter ended before April, but I have also been extra happy at times this summer.

I think it’s basically because of the people I am blessed to spend my days with.

If you can make me laugh, I basically already consider you a friend even if it would be our first time meeting. I love being with and around people that have a good sense of humor, and can make me laugh because laughter can brighten your mood, someone else’s mood, or even your whole day if it was being fed to the pigs. When you surround yourself with people that make you feel good or can make you smile just by being the dorks they are and saying the obnoxious, stupid, or wise things they say, you find less and less bad days.

Now don’t hear me wrong, there will always be bad moments, but then when you talk to or hang out with the right person, s/he can turn it around maybe without even knowing it. And soon, the things that seem to keep going wrong, or the problems that crush like and ever-rolling rock don’t seem as big of a deal, because you know who you can go to.

I’m a waitress, and some of my customers make me want to sharpen the steak knives, but then I get to go into the kitchen and work with some pretty amazing people who can make me forget almost instantly. I am also blessed to be so close with my family that I consider my cousins to be some of my best friends. If it weren’t for them, I would have gone to college in Tennessee.

All of them have their dramatic moments, but we’re only human. Doesn’t mean we all don’t also need space from each other every once and a while.

I guess what it all buckles down to is this: surround yourself with people that make you grin, make you laugh till your eyes sprinkle, make you look to the sky and think, “You know, life is pretty good.” Trust me, your good days will outnumber the bad. And wouldn’t it be nice to have a little break from stress? 

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You see pictures of some sort of group of black and white animals with a colored animal either by itself or in the middle of the group, sometimes doing something stupid. Underneath it says something cliche like “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” or “An original is worth more than a copy.”

You start thinking, “You know, they’re right. I am unique.”

Then commercials come on with overweight people who lost 100 pounds and show the chick with nice abs. You change the channel and you see Covergirl models with beautiful flowing hair and clear skin. You change again and they’re the newest fashion or showing you the newest Iphone 12, though they just made one eight months ago.
So basically they mean: yeah, you can be yourself. But if you buy all this crap you can be awesome. Be like everyone else, because we don’t really care about you; we just want your money, so we will tell you that you look beautiful in anything if it means you will buy it.

They take movies that could be made into one and split them up in to three. They write survival guides for the end of the world. What a joke. If it’s the end of the world, no one is surviving it, and even if you did, why would you want to? I’d rather be killed in seconds by my house crushing me than to survive and freeze to death in the next ice age.

They are taught to be good sellers. They use the right colors, put ads in the right places, make you think that you need something better or different than where you’re at. Sometimes you need it, sometimes you don’t.
But you know what? That doesn’t always make you happy either. If you sway your hips towards the hottest guy and he sees something for you because you talk the talk and wear the small black dress, good for you, I guess. You can watch the movies and YouTube videos that tell you how to get the guy or girl and how to make him fall for you. But what happens when you get married and you get tired of playing the part all the time? What happens when he or she finds out who you really are? Eventually, you’re going to get tired of being what they are looking for and strive to find yourself back. Well they didn’t want the real you, they wanted the you that you let them think was you.

Maybe you can keep up the act, but then it just makes you exhausted. You can’t just be happy because you are too busy keeping up with what they expect out of you. What’s the point in getting the “right guy,” or whatever it may be, if you can’t even just enjoy it? Isn’t it easier to just act and be the way you normally are?
I’ve gotten to the point when I roll my eyes at the pictures that say “Be Yourself,” because sometimes they are from the same people that throw the pictures of beautiful people at you. But if you can look past the clichés, reach into yourself and see that they have a point. Don’t follow the world, because the world is going to shit with people who are obsessed with money, good looks, and constantly being sarcastic with tiny shorts and plunging necklines. But screw them. I wear baseball caps when I’m having a bad hair day, sweatpants when I feel like being comfortable while I’m out and about, and eat the movie popcorn without thinking about how I’m going to have to go for a run on the treadmill when I get home.

Sure, working out to get a little skinnier will make you healthier, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a size one. If you want to splurge a little on a shirt that you’ve been wanting, go for it. They may lie to you by saying it’s cute, but if you like it then that’s what matters. By buying a shirt or a plate of food that you probably didn’t need, we are actually keeping companies in business so their employees don’t lose their jobs. Just don’t overdo it. Just because you like clothes, doesn’t mean you need new ones every week, especially the ones that degrade you by being see-through and itty-bity. You’re setting yourself up to be someone’s imaginative porn star. You deserve better than that.

If you don’t treat yourself or your body with any respect, don’t expect any respect from anyone else.

If you act like someone you’re not, you are going to end up with someone who isn’t right for you. The person who will make you happiest is the person who loves the person you really are.

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We’re all waiting for something.
Sit with a coffee at the airport and guess who will stand up when someone walks through the door.

We are all lazy in something.
Wait in the frozen food section and see who picks out the pizzas and frozen alfredo.

We all have something that makes us happy.
See the girl sitting on the top suitcase of an airport cart,
the joy on her face as her father pushes her. The Simplicity.

Live while you’re waiting, even in the small things,
otherwise you are simply waiting to die.

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There are always those people who are really good at something, like playing guitar for example, and if they screw up a chord, or can’t remember a part of the song, they laugh it off and say something like, “No ones perfect, right” or “I’m glad I’m comfortable enough to not take myself so seriously.” But have you noticed how the people who I usually hear say that are actually really good at what they are doing, and you laugh with them and forget about it because they are still awesome at playing…

Well what if you aren’t that great at it, and you screw up? They may not try, but people begin judging you a little bit. I screwed up playing the guitar for church today, and it was the first time I had played in front of them. I’m better than that, because I’m a rockstar when I’m by myself, I’ve just never really played in front of people before because playing guitar and writing songs is something I do in my free time because I adore music and it’s one of my favorite ways to worship God. 

But everyone else doesn’t know how good I can be. I think that’s why I’m hiding in my room at the moment. 

Why do we think that we can’t make mistakes? Why is it in our minds to try and be perfect, whether it’s with our hair, makeup, clothes, homework, playing music, etc. A mistake tears us down, and we (or at least I do) begin tearing ourselves down before anyone even says anything. So I screwed up my first time trying. So what? It simply makes me human. It won’t get any worse than that because I wasn’t as prepared as I could have been. I’m going to make myself play again on Wednesday or Sunday just so I can keep the callouses on my hands and not be scared of screwing up again. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t be so hard on yourself. Be confident that you will do better next time. Learn from your mistake and let it be a little wisdom for your life. Make some new preparations so you can avoid the same mistake, and let it go. Be a role model for others who make similar mistakes, and maybe it will help them get past their mistakes too. 

You aren’t perfect, so stop trying to be, and accept your imperfections as something to live with. You will find much more happiness rather than trying to fight it.  

As for me, I have finally begun to accept myself for my imperfections. They are not necessarily things that I should get frustrated with, but simply things that are a part of me, that make me who I am.

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I am a people pleaser. It wasn’t until today that I realized that it is not exactly a good thing.

I try and put others’ happiness before my own. If they are having fun, then I’m more likely to have fun knowing that they are enjoying themselves.

Since I leave for Italy a week from tomorrow, I’ve been realizing just how many friends I have and how hard it is to give everyone a time slot in my schedule.

People like me get walked on a lot. My sister said if people want to see me, then they will fit their schedules to mine, not mine to theirs. I think I have always fit my schedule to everyone else’s.

The bad thing about that, is that somehow everyone’s free time is at the same time. The trouble with that, is that I am a part of a lot of groups of people, and not all the people in those groups would have fun together because they enjoy different stuff and wouldn’t really connect like I do.

Now I am forced to put some people before others, and I hate doing that because I don’t like people feeling like they are less important to me than the other people I am seeing.

It is good to think of others, don’t get me wrong, but I think some of us spend so much time trying to make others happy, that we forget to make ourselves happy.

Any kind of relationship is a two-way thing. I am someone who has gotten into the habit of basically letting the other person stand there while I walk all the way across the line to their side, instead of having them meet me half way. If people want to see you, be with you, spend time with you, then make them do some of the work too. If you are one of the lazier people, then get up off your ass and prove to the other person that you care.

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Have you seen Iron Man?  Especially Iron Man 2?

I freaking love Robert Downey Jr, especially as Iron Man. I watched the second movie with my family tonight, and have realized what kind of love I’m going to try and look for….

Towards the beginning, Tony makes Pepper CEO of Stark Industries, and as he is pouring champagne and talking about how he decided who would be CEO after his CEO in the first movie went evil, he says “It’s you. It’s always been you” and you can just see the respect he has for her in his smile and in his voice as he talks to her. Then towards the end, when the Hammer Drones are blinking and are about to blow up, he realizes that Pepper is probably by one, and he says “Pepper” and shoots off to save her, and drops down and picks her up just as its blowing up…

In that moment when he realizes she is in trouble, he acts immediately. You can see how much he cares about her in these moments.

Yes, I get that this is just a movie and he is a good actor, but I know this kind of thing exists. That even though he is self-conceded, likes himself a bit too much, he puts all that aside when he realizes Pepper was in trouble, and for that moment, he didn’t care about anything except saving her.

I don’t necessarily need to be saved, but to find someone who would think about me like that…that would be fantastic. Here’s hoping.

Guys–we aren’t saying do a fancy dinner every night. We aren’t saying wear a suit every day. We aren’t saying be a lawyer or a doctor so we can afford all of the things that I want…

But surprise us with a dinner date every now and then. Even though you get married or have been dating for awhile, don’t stop trying to somewhat impress each other by dressing nice sometimes. We don’t need you to buy us the world, but surprise us with little things that you know will make us happy–whether that is flowers, a new pair of earrings, a pair of movie tickets…

The number of divorces these days is insane, and I pray it stops. Marriage should be a one-time thing. A lot of people rush into it, or they agree to the proposal because it was in the moment, or they agreed even though they weren’t quite ready. This should be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As you get older, you change a little. You won’t always be a spunky young 23 year old forever, so don’t think that you marriage will be a spunky little thing forever. There are going to be things that you’ll need to work though…TOGETHER.

Work it out, remember why you fell in love, and don’t lose that. I believe there is a “Tony and Pepper love,” “Cory and Topanga love,” and whatever other show or movie you wanna add in here…I believe there is a love for all of us, two people that fit well together. Don’t give up hope, don’t give up on each other.

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Sometimes, there are other people that are in more need of your love than yourself. Shocking, I know. That new episode of Lost can wait, your nails don’t need another coat of paint right now, and it is acceptable to walk out of the house without make-up on for once.

These days, we make ourselves happy before we want to bring others happiness. That pie looks so good, I’d rather buy it for myself. That shirt is so cute, I think I’ll just keep this one and find her something different. We don’t like to think of it as selfishness, but that’s what it is, people. When did you last pick up some trash along the grass, not because someone told you to pick it up, but you did it because it was the right thing to do?

We were created to love God and to love one another….”one another” doesn’t mean ourselves.

My biology teacher was telling us a story yesturday about how she was standing in line at the mail center, and the girl ahead of her was about seven cents short for paying for her packages, and my teacher had some spare change to give. The girl took the money and handed it to the cashier without even looking at my teacher, without saying thank you, or even acknowledging her in any way.

It wasn’t as if the change had broken my teacher’s bank account. It didn’t lose her anything. But this has made my teacher a bit irritated, and she wanted to go up to the girl and tell her that she should be more grateful….

But then God tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Hey now, how many times do I give you small things and never receive a thank you?”

How many things do we forget to thank God for? How many things do we forget to thank EACH OTHER for? How many things do we do, simply because we want to be personally recognized for them, to be thanked, to be honored. Not everyone is going to give you something in return, but do you really need anything? Do things because you want to be nice, not because you are hoping to get something out of it.

Go throughout your day and see how many things you do just because you are pleasing yourself, and try to trade a couple of those things with things you can love on other people by doing. Use your imagination, and maybe you can make someone’s day 🙂

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My dog Bosten Terrier named Riva died yesturday. She choked on a steak bone and they couldn’t get it out of her asophagus because it was too lodged in and we had to put her down. We’ve had her for ten years. She was my first puppy and I grew up with her. That was hard by itself…

What made it worse was three weeks ago our dog Trooper, a shitzu/poodle mix, got hit by a van on the road. The van didn’t honk, didn’t slow down, didn’t stop to say sorry. He wasn’t even technically our dog either. My sister’s boyfriend had been living with us for almost two years, and he had gotten Trooper as a puppy and Trooper lived with us as well. My sister and Matt had just broken up recently, but Matt needed someone to watch Trooper while he was on a trip to Baltimore, so we did…and Trooper died the day before Matt got back home. Some welcome home present. Matt was still getting over the fact that my sister dumped him…

We still have two dogs left–a sixteen year old pug named Abby and a three year old Chihuahua named Toby. Abby will probably die at least of old age in the next couple years…

I came home last night, and Toby was the only one who greeted me home. His was the only bark I heard. Abby is more of a moving couch and sleeps all the time…but both Riva and Trooper’s barks are absent now, and it makes this house really quiet and empty.

I am so tired of crying. It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I kept wishing when I woke up that it would be Sunday so I could stop her from eating the steak bone. She has been eating steak bones all her life, it’s the chicken bones we have kept away from her…

I feel God has a reason for everything he does, and I think he took Trooper because it freed my sister from Matt. Trooper was basically the only thing keeping them together, so God released the two from each other.

As for Riva, I thought about it all day yesturday. Maybe Riva is gone, because my sister will probably be moving out in the next year, and this way all of us got to see her. I had just come home from college this weekend to help at my grandma’s house, and she died the day I went back. For both dogs, my sister had to tell me their death over the phone. It’s like getting dumped over a text. It sucks.

But I got to see Riva this weekend. I got to play with her and spend some time just having her curled up next to my leg on the recliner while we watched a movie. In a way, I think she knew something was going to happen. She was acting a little weird Sunday afternoon–shaking, though she wasn’t cold, and just seemed restless. I couldn’t figure out what she wanted. She seemed happy though. I remember her smile. She was a good girl. The best I’ve ever had.

What is it about dogs? They don’t have to say anything, they just have to be around to make you happy. They are always happy to see you, whether you’ve been gone for ten days or ten minutes. They love with everything they have. If only we humans could learn to give such love so freely.

Dog and human deaths are different. I don’t really know how to say why, but I’ll work on it. I’ve cried more over this dog than some funerals I’ve been to. When you love so deeply, it hurts more than normal when they are gone…but I’d rather dwell on the memories and feel lucky that I got the chance to have her, than to have never known her at all. As I cry, part of me doesn’t believe it, but that’s only because I’m in the hurting stage, and it’s the transition that’s troublesome. But God would never put us through anything we can’t handle, and he knows we are strong enough to handle this.

People die. Animals die. And they will keep dying. If we tuck ourselves away because we are afraid to cry over death, then we will end up crying anyway from how empty our lives would be.

We will probably buy another dog this summer, we will fall in love with it, and she, too, will die. But that doesn’t stop us from buying her. Everyone needs love in their lives, and dogs help hold us together.

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Home is where my heart lays in barn dances on saturday nights, home-grown beef for supper, and a family who drinks the grocery store’s supply of coffee. I had the best childhood ever, and I think it’s because of my parents that I chose a college only an hour from home. I like getting out there to start my own life, but through that life, I don’t want to be far from my family so I can still see them from time to time, otherwise I’d probably move to Texas. I went there on a vacation with my sister August 2010, and I fell in love with the place. I almost didn’t want to come home because I felt like I fit in down there, but then I come home and realize that no matter where I go, Minnesota will always be home, and I will always find my way back here no matter where I go for periods of time.

I saw a post on Facebook that said this:

“My curfew was the street lights, and my mom didn’t call my cell, she yelled “time to come in.” I played outside with friends, not online. If I didn’t eat what my mom made me, then I didn’t eat. Hand sanitizer didn’t exist, but you COULD get your mouth washed out with soap. I rode my bike without a helmet. And getting dirty was okay. Click “Like” if you drank water from the garden hose and survived.”

That was my childhood. Heck, I still drink from the hose. Nothing is better than well water. I also realized how much I miss home cooked food after months of college food. I watched the movie “Sweet Home Alabama” today and realized that is kinda how my life is. I speed to get off the highway, but then slow down once I get back on those curvy country roads where I find my peace. Small town life is awesome.

Even if your past might not have been all that great, it got you to where you are today (which is hopefully a good place. If not, maybe you should look at the direction you are headed). Refresh yourself of past memories that taught you something, made you happy, or made you laugh, because you are going to need stories to tell your grandkids 🙂

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Sometimes shadows only disappear until you bring them to the light. But, what I think we sometimes forget, is that the shadow doesn’t always disappear, but instead just MOVES. When you fix one struggle, another is going to pop up. Guarenteed. But the awesome thing is, is that you are in control of the light. A shadow is as see-through as glass when your light is bright. But when you dim that light with worry, fear, frustration, and anger, the shadows become blacker than the bottom of the sea. If they come, then it is possible for them to go away, but only if you make them. No shadow can defeat the light, so why are you running scared?

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