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Posts Tagged ‘fake’

Life is a string of piñatas. Sometimes there’s candy, sometimes there’s mice, and sometimes there’s cow dung.

This past semester was one of the hardest semesters of my life, both mentally (class load) and emotionally. Past issues that I thought were healed were only scabbed over, and all of it bled into my eyes, my anger, and my self-esteem. I was crying about something at least every other week. I took on two writing classes with two literature classes, all of which involved their own amounts of reading and writing, while tacking on two other classes and an assistant editor position on my school’s literary journal. I felt like I was half-assing not only my homework, but my relationships with my friends. I pulled three all-nighters in a row because I wanted to be there for them.

But the truth is I can’t be there for everyone. I can’t make it to every party, every concert, every bonfire because I really like sleep. I fall more than I catch myself, I don’t give myself enough “me” time, and when my time of the month comes, I’m going to be a bitch because being a woman can be a pain in the ass.

There will never be enough time in a day. I may spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to better prioritize the things I want to do with the things I need to do and still not find a good balance.

But this is not a pity party. I want to remind you that if you feel like the semester is never going to end, if you hate your job, if you are sick of putting on a smile to people you don’t even like, hang in there.

You will probably meet a lot of fake people in your life. You may find the people who know exactly what to say to get you to do something, you may drown in the bills that pack like dirt in your mailbox, you may find yourself crying at night because your day was just plain crappy. Don’t be fooled thinking the person you pass by in the hallway, the cashier taking your order, or the person surrounded by friends at the coffee shop are all flying high. Cute clothes and a smile are only a show sometimes. There are a lot of good liars in this world.

But if there is a down, there’s an up. I passed my classes, I had a memorable Christmas break, and I worked out my financial problems just in time to take on another round of classes. I can’t go shopping for a while, but I can pay for groceries. Sometimes you just need to pick yourself up enough to get through one more day.

But that’s life. No one skirts their way around all their problems. You can dodge some, but you can’t dodge everything. So if you need to cry, find the Kleenex box and fill the trash can. If you need to vent, grab someone you trust and spew away. Make a pot of coffee and finish that stupid project, take a walk so you don’t destroy public property, and find something that makes you laugh so that, for just a moment, you can remember what it’s like to be stress-free.

It’s going to suck sometimes. You’re going to want to go home when you can’t, but hang tight. You’re going to want to give up, but hold on. “There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.” 

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Satan has a temper.
He is the tempter
he can make a grown man cry,
can make a fake saint cut flesh like an apple slicer.
Satan knows your weakness
he knows the thing that will tear you to pieces
if you feed sin like steak to a dog.
You can bury the bones but they just get dug up
by the very ones you were trying to hide them from.

It’s always the secretary.
Those little looks and chocolates left on the desk.
He puts his hand on her back, and lets her walk ahead.
They go out for coffee to talk about work
and talk about everything but work.
Still he drives home to, “Daddy, look what I made in school today.“
“Hello, dear. How was your day.”
“Great,” he says.

The road is narrow, like an alley in a movie
that makes you yell at the screen.
“Are you crazy, or just stupid,” you say.
“Someone is bound to be down that way.”

And there he waits
wearing shadows like a cape.

But what if you were a karate master.
Ain’t scared of nobody, nohow,
“Stop hiding like a coward and face your prey.
I’ll take you on any day.
Not so tough when I don’t see it coming, are you?
be gone,” you will say
“In the name of Jesus, get the hell out of my way.”

And Satan turns from thunder
to the crumbler.
From the devour to the coward.

The supernatural comes alive
in that moment of faith
when nothing nowhere
will ever destroy God’s grace for you.

Your body will grow tired,
your hands a wrinkled mess,
but after this life, this moment in time
you’ll never look back, never say remember when
because this is nothing, nothing
compared to what waits ahead. 

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You see pictures of some sort of group of black and white animals with a colored animal either by itself or in the middle of the group, sometimes doing something stupid. Underneath it says something cliche like “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” or “An original is worth more than a copy.”

You start thinking, “You know, they’re right. I am unique.”

Then commercials come on with overweight people who lost 100 pounds and show the chick with nice abs. You change the channel and you see Covergirl models with beautiful flowing hair and clear skin. You change again and they’re the newest fashion or showing you the newest Iphone 12, though they just made one eight months ago.
So basically they mean: yeah, you can be yourself. But if you buy all this crap you can be awesome. Be like everyone else, because we don’t really care about you; we just want your money, so we will tell you that you look beautiful in anything if it means you will buy it.

They take movies that could be made into one and split them up in to three. They write survival guides for the end of the world. What a joke. If it’s the end of the world, no one is surviving it, and even if you did, why would you want to? I’d rather be killed in seconds by my house crushing me than to survive and freeze to death in the next ice age.

They are taught to be good sellers. They use the right colors, put ads in the right places, make you think that you need something better or different than where you’re at. Sometimes you need it, sometimes you don’t.
But you know what? That doesn’t always make you happy either. If you sway your hips towards the hottest guy and he sees something for you because you talk the talk and wear the small black dress, good for you, I guess. You can watch the movies and YouTube videos that tell you how to get the guy or girl and how to make him fall for you. But what happens when you get married and you get tired of playing the part all the time? What happens when he or she finds out who you really are? Eventually, you’re going to get tired of being what they are looking for and strive to find yourself back. Well they didn’t want the real you, they wanted the you that you let them think was you.

Maybe you can keep up the act, but then it just makes you exhausted. You can’t just be happy because you are too busy keeping up with what they expect out of you. What’s the point in getting the “right guy,” or whatever it may be, if you can’t even just enjoy it? Isn’t it easier to just act and be the way you normally are?
I’ve gotten to the point when I roll my eyes at the pictures that say “Be Yourself,” because sometimes they are from the same people that throw the pictures of beautiful people at you. But if you can look past the clichés, reach into yourself and see that they have a point. Don’t follow the world, because the world is going to shit with people who are obsessed with money, good looks, and constantly being sarcastic with tiny shorts and plunging necklines. But screw them. I wear baseball caps when I’m having a bad hair day, sweatpants when I feel like being comfortable while I’m out and about, and eat the movie popcorn without thinking about how I’m going to have to go for a run on the treadmill when I get home.

Sure, working out to get a little skinnier will make you healthier, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a size one. If you want to splurge a little on a shirt that you’ve been wanting, go for it. They may lie to you by saying it’s cute, but if you like it then that’s what matters. By buying a shirt or a plate of food that you probably didn’t need, we are actually keeping companies in business so their employees don’t lose their jobs. Just don’t overdo it. Just because you like clothes, doesn’t mean you need new ones every week, especially the ones that degrade you by being see-through and itty-bity. You’re setting yourself up to be someone’s imaginative porn star. You deserve better than that.

If you don’t treat yourself or your body with any respect, don’t expect any respect from anyone else.

If you act like someone you’re not, you are going to end up with someone who isn’t right for you. The person who will make you happiest is the person who loves the person you really are.

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Walking around Wal Mart
not planning to buy anything,
You pause at the mirrors,
a familiar face in the midst of aliens
while your friends continue to stagger forward,
drained and disoriented.
You live in the house whose dictionary
has no word for home
with frozen peace, dehydrated love,
and parents who seal care with worn tape.
You drunk minors woke,
surprised like injured bandits
as this morning’s pain wades in your pools
of Captain Morgan,
your stomach chanting stop, stop.
The mirror won’t ignore dwindling eyes
or vomit missed on the corner of your lips.
You stare at the reflection like a scrawny cat
waiting for scraps even dogs won’t eat.

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Have you noticed how contradictory the world is? They tell us to be comfortable in our own skin, that we are “perfect the way we are”…and then they slather people in makeup, do close-ups on a couple pimples or slightly shaggy skin, and make us feel like we aren’t pretty enough or skinny enough to be called beautiful. No wonder actors and singers go into drugs and get wasted. We put so much pressure on them, and it can turn a sweet person into a Jerk.

Peer pressure has insane power on us all the time that makes us do things we say we’d never do…and why? Just to get acceptance from people who shouldn’t treat us like that in the first place? Signs say “Just Say No,” but saying no when you are surrounded and outnumbered by people who expect you to say yes…a lot harder when you’re in the moment.

But if we can’t say no to the small things…what will become of us when worse things come our way? It will seem small now, but when you give in, you may think you are in control of it, but it is already in control of you. If they are your friends, you should be able to say no around them. If they keep pushing you, then why do you hang around? It won’t be a one-time thing; they will keep persuading you to do more and more until you are a different person. Find the people you can be yourself around, not the people who you feel like you have to be better. It is good to have people to push you mentally with school work and stuff like that, but when it comes to being who you are, you shouldn’t have to change just because they have problems with it.

If you are shy, like me, trying to push yourself to be out there and conversive…it makes me feel uptight. Once I found friends that actually love to talk a lot, they like being with me because I’m a listener, yet they still let me pipe in every now and then and give my life story while they ask questions and share theirs.

My first semester in college, we were split into halls where we do activities with that hall and a “brother hall” which is a guy’s hall. Most of the girls were fun and nice…the kind of people I like being around…but I didn’t feel myself at all. They ended up not even talking to me , and I felt like I wasn’t being “fun” enough. Since I wasn’t popular in high school, I wanted to try and be in it now…

But then I started making other friends from my classes, people I felt comfortable around. They weren’t the populars, but turns out I’m just not built to be one of them, and I’ve finally learned to accept that.

So be yourself, and you will find that, even if they aren’t the people you are hoping for, they are people who love you for you and won’t try to change you. You were built to be you and will never be happy trying to be someone “better.”

You have probably heard it all before, but maybe that just means we are on to something that others don’t want to listen to.

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