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Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

My sister and her boyfriend were best friends before they started dating. The day he finally asked her out, he told her he wanted to go on an actual date and take her to a nice restaurant. My sister told him, “No, we aren’t fancy restaurant people” and told him if they were going to date that she wanted that friendship to be part of it. She wanted to still do what they’ve been doing, just now hang out as an actual couple instead of just friends.

Somehow this came to my mind today, and I was thinking how I am actually the same way. Sure, a nice restaurant every now and then for a birthday or exciting news is nice (because let’s face it, sometimes you just can’t beat that awesome expensive food). But I’m not a fancy restaurant person.

Instead, take me to a bar on a football game day, buy me a beer, and lets scream and high-five other sports fans we don’t know who are also watching the big screens.

Take me for a walk in the park and sit on the swings with me. Come to my house, watch one of my favorite movies with me, and attempt not to get annoyed when I start reciting word for word what the characters in the movies say. I can’t help it. Play monopoly with me, and don’t let me win. I like competition.

Come offroading with me and let me show you how much I adore the woods, how much peace and adventure it brings me. Watch me wipe out on my snowboard from not having had practice in the past two years, though I love shooting down the hills at a dangerous speed. Take me horseback riding since I can’t own my own. Gather a group of friends and lets all go to a paintball course so I can feel like a sniper.

Teach me how to shoot a real gun because I like being the girl others know not to mess with.

Let each other in on little secrets that the other person may not always pick up. Tell each other things you love, things you want to do, things that make you feel alive, make you scared, make you excited as if it’s the greatest idea you’ve had all year. Don’t do the normal things, because I doubt you’re a normal couple. Don’t go to a fancy restaurant just because that’s the norm. What do you as a couple like to do? Don’t just date, be friends. You should marry your best friend, and if you’re not doing fun things together as if you were friends, then doesn’t it feel tense? Feel comfortable in the relationship whether you really are just friends or if you’re something more.

You don’t always need to do something that costs money. You don’t need to always be alone. Heck, you don’t even need to go somewhere. But remember the things you love, and do those things, not the things everyone else does. You can be romantic and still have fun without having everything planned out. I am not a planner, so there won’t be much planning involved in mine.

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Americans are making life into one big deadline:
-If you aren’t married by this certain age, you will probably be single forever.
-If you don’t have a kid by this certain age you are too old to be a parent
-If you don’t have a job or a college degree by this certain age you are going to scrubbing kitchen floors or shoveling horse dung off the state fair streets for the rest of your days.

It is exhausting finally being able to finish a project and then turn around to get a cup of coffee and be thrown three more. Americans are becoming so time-oriented, that the quality and value of things are definitely not what they could be.

I’d like to buy a shirt or sweatshirt that doesn’t have a hem threatening to rip on me a couple weeks after I buy it. I’d like to work on a short story and not have my professor poking me in my back asking if I’m done yet. I’d like to be able to sit out on a park bench today and read a new fiction book that I just bought and be able to put off my homework till tomorrow.

But I can’t. Time is precious, yes. But nerves can be as fragile as the tick of the clock. By trying to make so many deadlines all the time, we aren’t able to let ourselves enjoy the present, for we are always trying to make sure we are caught up with the future deadlines. No human is patient forever.

Time is important, but so is sleep. There are only so many days that I can stay up till 1am doing homework and wake up at 7 for a morning class. I have felt terrible lately because I’ve had friends that want to spend time with me, but my excuse has been homework.

Time is a luxury, but so is living. What is the point of living a long life if you’re rushing through it? We NEED give ourselves the time to reflect, to observe, to ENJOY.

Americans live by the “Quantity over Quality” standard. We live by the “Timing is everything” standard.

I think Americans need to sort out their priorities.

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Stuff happens. Buildings fall. Sometimes those buildings have people in it. Sometimes one of those people is you.

But other buildings are bound to fall. And who better to steer people clear of the falling buildings than you who experienced the fall?

Sometimes things happen to us in life so that we can prepare someone else. I think God just knows you are strong enough to handle it. And what strength He must see.

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I am going to write this now, in case I somehow receive a ton of money and become selfishly absorbed. As of this moment, I plan on making sure I don’t let myself make money or things a priority in my life. I don’t think we ever really intend to in the first place, but as we become absorbed with cell phones, we find that we want to spend money on the best and brightest. Ipods, laptops, sound systems, TVs, houses, cars, RVs, furniture,dogs, flowers, food, fridges, ovens, paintings, yada yada, yap yap. The list is endless with which you can be picky, spendy, greedy, stupid. There are shops full of stuff to buy that is pointless. You buy it because it’s funny, and then all of a sudden you have a box full of crap that you don’t even know what to do with. I’m afraid of becoming a hoarder, so if I buy less stuff, that is less likely to happen.

Now don’t get me wrong–things age and need to be replaced. I’m just saying buy what’s wise, not necessarily what’s hip and cool. One of my friends is a Coupon Queen, and that is a smart way to go if you give a little time and organization. 

But why I’m writing this, is because when I get older and have a family, I don’t know what my financial situation is going to be. I don’t know where I’ll be working, where I’ll be living, and I could either be just getting by or rolling in the big bucks. All I know, is that I don’t want to let it change me. Money is a material that can either be a tree in your mind or a dust bunny.

Think about it, we all have money trees. You go to work, make your money, give it back to the community when buying food for your family, donating to a cancer cause,  just to make it back to spend it again. A tree grows leaves, but can’t grow them back again until they are let go and given to the ground. 

But then some are hoarders of their money, dust bunnies. You may spend it, but it is things on yourself, and it keeps piling up either in your bank account or in your house. You may play in the stock market or casino, but what you win you bet again at the casino to get more.

It never gets better, because it blinds you into an obsession. Once you get more, you think you can get even more than that if you made it that far. It is just paper that can burn, plastic cards that can melt, yet these thin, material things swallow us whole. Once you’re in, it’s hard to pull yourself back out. 

If you feel the tug, take your Mom out and buy her lunch instead of letting her pay for you. Mow someone’s yard or babysit for free. When buying gas, surprise someone by buying theirs as well, or when in the drive-thru line, pay for the person behind you. These little acts of kindness not only bring a joy to your own heart, but they free you from the grip of money. You only need so much, the rest is just because you want it. Put some away in a savings account for college if you want, but don’t wrap yourself up in stuff. You don’t need to be at the casino every other day.

My parents never bought me video games because they didn’t want me spending all my time inside on them. I had Barbies and used my imagination and brought them to life. i ran around in fresh air and got muscle from helping my dad feed cows. I got my tan not from a tanning bed but from mowing the lawn and picking up hay bales from the field by hand. I learned patience from fishing with my dad and to work for what I want by getting a job instead of my parents paying for me.

Don’t let yourself or your kids get wrapped up in material things. There is a ton to do that doesn’t involve electronics. Teach yourself how to play the guitar because music is good for the soul. Pick up a pencil and try drawing a picture, even if you think you suck. No one has to see it but you. Go for a run in the fresh air or plant a vegetable garden so you don’t have to buy as much at the store. Get an old notebook and write a song or a poem. Turn off the TV and read a book. You use your imagination more when reading a book than watching what is shown to you on a screen. Go to a park and play fetch with your dog.

And remember this: If you don’t give now, what makes you think you’ll give later?

Live through life, not through money. 

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Satan has a temper.
He is the tempter
he can make a grown man cry,
can make a fake saint cut flesh like an apple slicer.
Satan knows your weakness
he knows the thing that will tear you to pieces
if you feed sin like steak to a dog.
You can bury the bones but they just get dug up
by the very ones you were trying to hide them from.

It’s always the secretary.
Those little looks and chocolates left on the desk.
He puts his hand on her back, and lets her walk ahead.
They go out for coffee to talk about work
and talk about everything but work.
Still he drives home to, “Daddy, look what I made in school today.“
“Hello, dear. How was your day.”
“Great,” he says.

The road is narrow, like an alley in a movie
that makes you yell at the screen.
“Are you crazy, or just stupid,” you say.
“Someone is bound to be down that way.”

And there he waits
wearing shadows like a cape.

But what if you were a karate master.
Ain’t scared of nobody, nohow,
“Stop hiding like a coward and face your prey.
I’ll take you on any day.
Not so tough when I don’t see it coming, are you?
be gone,” you will say
“In the name of Jesus, get the hell out of my way.”

And Satan turns from thunder
to the crumbler.
From the devour to the coward.

The supernatural comes alive
in that moment of faith
when nothing nowhere
will ever destroy God’s grace for you.

Your body will grow tired,
your hands a wrinkled mess,
but after this life, this moment in time
you’ll never look back, never say remember when
because this is nothing, nothing
compared to what waits ahead. 

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Without even going any further, I’m sure you have a pretty good idea what I’m talking about.

The List. A man’s worst nightmare. The checkpoints that supposedly makeup your ideal man, maybe the perfect man, maybe the man that ends up being gay or simply something you copied from a Disney story. Maybe he’s one of the heroes on TV that knows just what to say to make a woman go weak at the knees just by watching. He doesn’t exist, sweetheart. If you put that much pressure on men, you will just make them confused and exhausted.

I think at first we start out broad—handsome, funny, tall.

But as the months go on, it gets more specific—optimistic, similar interests, gets along with family and friends.

And then it becomes almost obnoxiously pinpointed—guitar player, can cook, loves cats.

No offense to the guys that might be reading this, but you can’t expect much from men. I think the less that you expect, the more they tend to surprise you. Sometimes the qualities you are looking for, or that you think you want, are not necessarily what’s best for you or what you will be happy with.

For example, if you want to marry a doctor is it because he likes making people healthy again, or because it means he has money? Do you even know how busy doctors are? If you think he has the time to both work and wait on you hand and foot, then you are sadly mistaken.

I think some people underestimate personality. Just because he may not always look cute, does not mean he isn’t the funniest person you’ve ever met. Sometimes their personality makes them handsome.

Sometimes I believe in the phrase “What’s meant to be will always find its way,” and then other times I believe that’s crap because of how people use it. You can’t sit on your ass and then say “If God wants me to get married, I’ll get married.” You actually have to put forth some effort to get the answers you’re looking for. Shocking, I know.

Now there should be some sort of attraction between the two of you that is more than just sexual, or your relationship will never be happy. (some people need to remember this: just because he may be good in bed, doesn’t mean that he will be a suitable husband for you. Whether you like it or not, there has to be an actual good relationship. Eventually good sex won’t be enough. I know couples who get divorced because of this.)

Somehow, many people are surprised when a quiet person and a social person end up being together. This does not surprise me at all. I am a bit more quiet, so I look for people who talk more than me because I am a listener.

However, yes you should keep open-minded, but whether we like it or not, all of us have something that is somewhat of a requirement for us. Think about what yours are without making a list three pages long.  One of mine is the guy needs to be a Christian because I want my family to put God first in everything they do.

Don’t be afraid to wait, but that doesn’t mean you need to turn down everyone who comes along.

That probably sounds more complicated than what it really is, but you’ll figure it out 😉

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You see pictures of some sort of group of black and white animals with a colored animal either by itself or in the middle of the group, sometimes doing something stupid. Underneath it says something cliche like “Be yourself, everyone else is taken” or “An original is worth more than a copy.”

You start thinking, “You know, they’re right. I am unique.”

Then commercials come on with overweight people who lost 100 pounds and show the chick with nice abs. You change the channel and you see Covergirl models with beautiful flowing hair and clear skin. You change again and they’re the newest fashion or showing you the newest Iphone 12, though they just made one eight months ago.
So basically they mean: yeah, you can be yourself. But if you buy all this crap you can be awesome. Be like everyone else, because we don’t really care about you; we just want your money, so we will tell you that you look beautiful in anything if it means you will buy it.

They take movies that could be made into one and split them up in to three. They write survival guides for the end of the world. What a joke. If it’s the end of the world, no one is surviving it, and even if you did, why would you want to? I’d rather be killed in seconds by my house crushing me than to survive and freeze to death in the next ice age.

They are taught to be good sellers. They use the right colors, put ads in the right places, make you think that you need something better or different than where you’re at. Sometimes you need it, sometimes you don’t.
But you know what? That doesn’t always make you happy either. If you sway your hips towards the hottest guy and he sees something for you because you talk the talk and wear the small black dress, good for you, I guess. You can watch the movies and YouTube videos that tell you how to get the guy or girl and how to make him fall for you. But what happens when you get married and you get tired of playing the part all the time? What happens when he or she finds out who you really are? Eventually, you’re going to get tired of being what they are looking for and strive to find yourself back. Well they didn’t want the real you, they wanted the you that you let them think was you.

Maybe you can keep up the act, but then it just makes you exhausted. You can’t just be happy because you are too busy keeping up with what they expect out of you. What’s the point in getting the “right guy,” or whatever it may be, if you can’t even just enjoy it? Isn’t it easier to just act and be the way you normally are?
I’ve gotten to the point when I roll my eyes at the pictures that say “Be Yourself,” because sometimes they are from the same people that throw the pictures of beautiful people at you. But if you can look past the clichés, reach into yourself and see that they have a point. Don’t follow the world, because the world is going to shit with people who are obsessed with money, good looks, and constantly being sarcastic with tiny shorts and plunging necklines. But screw them. I wear baseball caps when I’m having a bad hair day, sweatpants when I feel like being comfortable while I’m out and about, and eat the movie popcorn without thinking about how I’m going to have to go for a run on the treadmill when I get home.

Sure, working out to get a little skinnier will make you healthier, but that doesn’t mean you need to be a size one. If you want to splurge a little on a shirt that you’ve been wanting, go for it. They may lie to you by saying it’s cute, but if you like it then that’s what matters. By buying a shirt or a plate of food that you probably didn’t need, we are actually keeping companies in business so their employees don’t lose their jobs. Just don’t overdo it. Just because you like clothes, doesn’t mean you need new ones every week, especially the ones that degrade you by being see-through and itty-bity. You’re setting yourself up to be someone’s imaginative porn star. You deserve better than that.

If you don’t treat yourself or your body with any respect, don’t expect any respect from anyone else.

If you act like someone you’re not, you are going to end up with someone who isn’t right for you. The person who will make you happiest is the person who loves the person you really are.

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I’ve really been working on my self-confidence the past few months. Surrounded by pretty girls all the time can make anyone feel self-conscious, especially when the majority of them are skinny and go for runs everyday while I sit my lazy butt on the couch and read a book. It would probably help if I didn’t eat seven pieces of pizza the other day, and I could have probably skipped the hot chocolate and chocolate Easter eggs that I had tonight, but then when I look at the older people I know, they would probably gain weight from lettuce. My metabolism may not be as high as others, but it’s definitely better now than it will be when I’m thirty. 

I have an unhealthy love for chocolate, I’ll admit it, but maybe because chocolate is the laces to my shoe. Maybe it becomes the Tequila to my margarita and pretends to be all sweet and innocent until it starts blowing up my love handles like balloon animals. But then I look in the mirror and say, “Hey, ya still got a pretty face. Wear a tshirt today and no one will even notice.” 

I live in the country, and when I’m hanging out with people I love simply being in jeans and a baseball cap, yet nowadays I hope for more hours at work just so I can go shopping for more clothes. We are never satisfied with what we have. Even when I have lost a couple pounds off my hips, I feel I still need to be skinnier. When we get money we wish for more money. It is an exhausting, never-ending cycle of wants instead of needs and complainers who like to bitch about things just so they can find someone who feels sorry for them. 

Honey, I don’t care how much you weigh. I don’t give a rats ass if you have a pimple on your forehead, crooked teeth, weird toenails, or the fact that you may need to pluck your eyebrows. 

And yes, there will be other people who care, but you know who has to live with it? You and only you. Maybe a husband or wife once you get that far, but if something small like that is going to break your relationship, then that’s pretty pathetic. 

I have a couple curves that probably don’t need to be there. I wish I had gotten braces when I was younger so I could have a nicer smile and or that I could find the will to stop chewing my nails so I can wear fingernail polish again, but when I get up in the morning, I don’t necessarily always feel beautiful, but I’m comfortable enough with myself to be okay with it. 

There will always be someone who doesn’t like you. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, nicer, taller, skinnier, and so on and so forth. If you can find satisfaction with yourself, then simply give a smile to the rest of the world, even if you decide to walk out in sweatpants for the day. If you don’t mind, they don’t matter. 

I don’t need to know who you are to tell you that you have something beautiful about yourself. The more you put-down yourself, the easier it is for you to let others put you down. Confidence itself can be beautiful when it’s not taken over the top. Start there, and you’ll find what makes you beautiful.

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We’re all waiting for something.
Sit with a coffee at the airport and guess who will stand up when someone walks through the door.

We are all lazy in something.
Wait in the frozen food section and see who picks out the pizzas and frozen alfredo.

We all have something that makes us happy.
See the girl sitting on the top suitcase of an airport cart,
the joy on her face as her father pushes her. The Simplicity.

Live while you’re waiting, even in the small things,
otherwise you are simply waiting to die.

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I saw his white hair before anything else.
Maybe it was his trembling legs
as he took the steps one by one off the plane.
Though his suitcase small
he struggled to hold it as if it was stone.
Those behind him remained silent
but their tapping fingers along the rail
brought a frown to my eyes…
Yet I have been one of them.

His wife waited at the bottom
like a mother at the end of a slide.
He seemed to learn a little too far forward
and I bit my lip.
A few steps can feel like you’re falling down a mountain.
Broken bones could occur.

Maybe he does it to prove that dozens of lines on his face
does not define his strength.
Maybe he faces the stairs because he wanted to see his granddaughter
walk down the aisle.
Maybe retirement was the only time he had money
to see the world.

Or perhaps stubbornness simply multiplies with wrinkles. 

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You know what’s annoying? The person that says, “I wanna do this, but I don’t wanna be the only one…”

Sadly, sometimes that person is still me, though I’m trying to get out of that way of thinking.

Why are we afraid to stand out? Even as we make a fool of ourselves in front of our friends, for some reason we care what strangers think. I think we let ourselves miss out on so much crazy random happenstances just because we don’t want to be seen by someone else. But ever think that the reason you do some of those things is a reason people love you? Never be afraid to be yourself, even if others who don’t know you happen to see. Even if you do know the people, let them see you for who you really are. No one gets to be who you are, so why hide the you that is unique and fun and crazy?

Now of course, I have friends who have wild imaginations, so don’t take my words out of context as if I’m making it okay for you to do something bad. Just don’t stop yourself from screaming out the hotel window, “Good Morning America!” or breaking out the dance to the song “Gangnam Style” when you hear it in a random place. Do what you would do if it was just you and your friend hanging out. You don’t need to be mature all the time, or you will just become stiff. 

Don’t feel that you need to wait till someone else is being weird with you.

All in all, just enjoy being you, no matter what age.

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You know what sucks? When everyone is against you about something until you succeed…

For example: My grandma’s house and property has been in the family for 12 generations. On this property we have an old barn, the kind with two levels. My dad decides we should fix up the barn and host family gatherings in it since my grandma’s house is getting too small for a family of 65 people with more babies on the way.

Some of my dad’s brothers and sisters thought it would be a waste of money, a waste of time, and probably wouldn’t be worth everything that would be put into it in the end. Even after their complaining, my dad convinced my grandma that we should do it anyway.

After months of buying paint for the outside of the barn, putting in hardwood for the second level, putting new concrete in the bottom level, building a deck to lead up to the second level, putting in a couple fans, putting in new windows, making a bar counter out of a couple old wagon wheels we painted up….we now have a beautiful barn that we have family gatherings in. But now it has also been a success for weddings, ceremonies, receptions, high school reunions, and also a place that other families have wanted to have a family reunion.

After everything that went into the barn, we will soon be making a profit off of it. Now my dad’s siblings boast about the barn, telling everyone how nice it is, all the work that went into it…when some of those people barely ever helped at all.

Some ideas are too big for people to wrap their heads around. No one likes taking risks anymore, especially with money. Yes, a lot of money had to go into the barn to get it to where we wanted it to go. But now months down the line, everyone is in love with it. And all because a couple of people were confident enough to fix up the barn and do what no one else wanted to.

There will be times when people will have faith in your ideas and will follow through with you every step of the way. But there will also be times where you won’t be backed up by  anyone. Sometimes you have to carry out your ideas alone, or at least with very little help. But this does not mean that you shouldn’t do it. The things we want to accomplish in life won’t come with a grain of salt. You will have to risk your money, your time…But won’t it be worth it in the end?

Our barn is beautiful, and no one thought it would turn out as nice as it is. We found some connections with people we knew to get some items cheaper. We got just enough helpers to finish the job, though they were longer hours than what would have been if more people showed up to help. The beginning will be rough, parts of the middle may be rougher, but carry out your ideas, because you may not be fully aware of the awesomeness the final project brings until you start.

Sometimes, some of our ideas aren’t the best and probably shouldn’t be carried out. But I guess that is where you begin to learn what will be worth it and what won’t. Take some risks. Nothing worth having or getting will ever be simple.

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I am a people pleaser. It wasn’t until today that I realized that it is not exactly a good thing.

I try and put others’ happiness before my own. If they are having fun, then I’m more likely to have fun knowing that they are enjoying themselves.

Since I leave for Italy a week from tomorrow, I’ve been realizing just how many friends I have and how hard it is to give everyone a time slot in my schedule.

People like me get walked on a lot. My sister said if people want to see me, then they will fit their schedules to mine, not mine to theirs. I think I have always fit my schedule to everyone else’s.

The bad thing about that, is that somehow everyone’s free time is at the same time. The trouble with that, is that I am a part of a lot of groups of people, and not all the people in those groups would have fun together because they enjoy different stuff and wouldn’t really connect like I do.

Now I am forced to put some people before others, and I hate doing that because I don’t like people feeling like they are less important to me than the other people I am seeing.

It is good to think of others, don’t get me wrong, but I think some of us spend so much time trying to make others happy, that we forget to make ourselves happy.

Any kind of relationship is a two-way thing. I am someone who has gotten into the habit of basically letting the other person stand there while I walk all the way across the line to their side, instead of having them meet me half way. If people want to see you, be with you, spend time with you, then make them do some of the work too. If you are one of the lazier people, then get up off your ass and prove to the other person that you care.

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Frustration is a pain in the ass. Not necessarily the things that make us frustrated, but frustration in general. Not everyone is frustrated by the same things. Some people get frustrated by things that others don’t, which is why it is frustration that is frustrating. Wouldn’t you love a life that didn’t have any frustration? That you could accept everything that happens, maybe do some crying, but move on from there without going through the anger stage?

Frustration leads to anger, anger leads us to doing harmful things or saying hurtful things. At the high point, we would all love it if we could just give up and call it quits because that would be easier. Committing suicide would be easier. Maybe suicides were just tired of their problems and wanted them to end. Just think, you’d never have to work, never have to pay bills, never have to get stuck in rush hour traffic again…But we are all still needed here. You are still needed here, whether you know it or not.

The tests of life come at us at every age. Maybe the fan’s shit is hitting you like a baseball pitching machine. Maybe right now you’re good at dodging. But one of these days, you will get hit. Trust me. It won’t be pretty, but you have to know it’s coming. It all depends on how you handle the situation.

I am studying abroad in Italy for three months for the spring semester, and just when I think that after twenty documents and ten people I’ve talked to that I might actually be done. Now I find out that the times on my flight schedule don’t line up, travel insurance that I’ve already paid for hasn’t gone through, and my advisor never gave the “okay” for my classes to go through, though I had already met up and talked with her about them. It seems to be one thing after another, and I am getting so frustrated I wish I could just call off the trip. I am definitely never doing this again. The planning is too much of a headache.

Yes, it’ll be “worth it” once I’m over there, but I’m sure even in your moments of frustration, it is extremely hard to think about what you’re working towards when the present problems are kicking your ass with both feet.

But I’m not going to tell you to close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to tell you to calm down, because the minute someone tells me to calm down, I want to punch them in the face.

What I will tell you is push aside whatever you are doing for at least a couple minutes, and go watch an episode of your favorite show. Stick in your ear buds and listen to some music. Go buy a sandwich or play a video game. Get away from whatever is frustrating you,  and get your head back on straight before you approach it again.

I know that I will not have the patience to be put on hold for another ten minutes with the airline, so I have decided to call them back tomorrow when I will be more willing to deal with it. Do whatever it is you need to do so you don’t feel like giving up. Frustration is a bitch, and it will take you up in flames if you don’t find ways to deal with your strengths and weaknesses. I am off to watch an episode of “Bones” with my sister so I can get my mind lost in a life that isn’t mine.

Just please don’t give up. Even on life. In the moment, you may not give a shit, but later on you will. Get some air and do what you need to do that doesn’t involve tying a noose. Or quitting your job. Or giving up on a marriage. God never puts you in a position that you can’t handle. Believe in yourself.

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A friend of mine has been struggling with money situations. I’ll call her Molly, though that’s not her name. Long story short, Molly’s parents are crazy and basically want nothing to do with her right now. Seriously, even as I told the story to my parents, my mom was like “what the heck.”

So she doesn’t have any help from her parents. A friend of ours and Molly rented a house together because our friend needed to move out of her ex-boyfriends apartment and the house was cheaper and more convenient than some of the two-roomed apartments they found. Now, our friend is moving to live with her dad, and Molly doesn’t have the money to put a down-payment on a new single apartment, because you have to pay rent and a half to even be able to move in. The single-roomed apartment she had before they got the house ran at about $425 a month…so she would have to pay $650 to move back in….

Plus she has to pay rent yet for the house they are livin in, which i think was about $350. That’s $1,000 by itself. THEN she has bills for her phone, food, insurance, all that hunky dory junk.

Plus, she is doing part time at college, so she doesn’t even have time to get a second job.

It’s a mess. A friend of Molly’s said she could move in to her apartment, but it is 20 minutes away from Molly’s job, and Molly doesn’t have a car. The house they have rented out is in walking distance of her job. You can’t even take a bus to Molly’s job from her friend’s apartment like Molly used to do

Why am I telling you this? This is why.

In her mailbox at church, Molly got a couple hundred dollars worth of gift cards to places so she can buy food and stuff. A friend of hers gave her a hundred dollar bill. I’m putting money in a card and telling her she has to use it for bills.

Molly may be in a tight place right now, and even without any help from her family, she has people that are looking out for her.

If you are having a hard time, don’t think that you’re all alone. We are all blessed with people in our lives to keep us sane, keep us alive, keep us healthy. Don’t be afraid to ask for a little help from the people you are close to, because they don’t want you struggling any more than you do.

If you aren’t struggling right now, take a look at even the faces of strangers around you. Some of them are struggling more than you know. Maybe pay from someone’s gas, their food at a drive-in, their groceries at WalMart. You can make someone’s day better just by being generous. We are living in hard times, and though there is much we all disagrees on, we should be willing to help those in need.

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So I turned 21 on Christmas Day, and my sister and I had planned to go see the movie Les Miserables after I got done with work. After the movie we had Applebees for supper, and then she had surprised me by taking me bar hopping with some of my friends.

Now I am not going to say that I haven’t drank before the legal age, but I’ve been smart about it if that makes any different at all. I do, however, recommend to those who may be turning this age, or will be eventually in the future, to go with people who actually know what they are doing and know the consequences of certain actions.

Last night, i had 5 shots and 2 mixed drinks in 45 minutes. In a little over 2 hours, i had taken 11 shots and 5 mixed drinks. That is not healthy, even if you are someone who says you could do more. It is especially not good since I only had 2 glasses of water while all this was going on.

So from this, I have a couple lessons for those who may not quite know what you are doing yet:

Lesson 1: Pace yourself. There is no need for you to prove yourself to anyone and you need to be aware of alcohol poisoning. I didn’t really realize how much I had been taking until we started counting and started saying “whoops.”

Lesson 2: Drink plenty of water. Especially before you go to bed. After I took shots, I washed down the taste with a mixed drink. Instead of doing that, I should have replaced the mixed drinks with water. I’m sure most of you know this, and I did too, but I didn’t really listen because I was having too much fun drinking some fruity stuff that tasted better than water. But don’t underestimate what water can do for you. Seriously.

Lesson 3: By the time you think you still aren’t drunk, you are probably drunk. Learn what the word actually means, cause apparently my definition was wrong.

Lesson 4: Have someone who has had what they are feeding you so they know how strong something is. If you aren’t sure, don’t be afraid to ask your bartender questions. Know what you are getting yourself into.

Lesson 5: I would have kept going if my sister hadn’t said it was time to go home. Have someone there to watch your back, pull you out the door to go home, and hold your hair when you puke, no matter how much it smells. Make sure it is someone you trust, because when it comes down to taking care of you, you want someone who is actually going to do it all the way through. Surround yourself with people you will have fun with, but also with people who wont do stupid stuff to you. I had a great group with me last night, and even a couple of the guys were telling me a couple of drinks to never let others convince me to take.

Lesson 6: Walk around when you’re drinking. I sat the whole time at the first bar except for getting up to go to the bathroom, but you dont feel how much you have had to drink until you get up to walk around, and if you have too much and dont walk around, you will fall on your ass or fall asleep next to the toilet if you dont walk around. Walking around lets you feel how much you’ve had so you have a better knowledge of when to stop.

There are, of course, more lessons that you will learn yourself, but start with these and go from there. People may expect you to get drunk, but don’t think that you have to. The sucky feeling you get the next day is really not worth it, and I definitely won’t go as far as I did next time. Sometimes the way you have to learn some things is unpleasant. Doesn’t mean you have to make the same mistakes others have.

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Have you seen Iron Man?  Especially Iron Man 2?

I freaking love Robert Downey Jr, especially as Iron Man. I watched the second movie with my family tonight, and have realized what kind of love I’m going to try and look for….

Towards the beginning, Tony makes Pepper CEO of Stark Industries, and as he is pouring champagne and talking about how he decided who would be CEO after his CEO in the first movie went evil, he says “It’s you. It’s always been you” and you can just see the respect he has for her in his smile and in his voice as he talks to her. Then towards the end, when the Hammer Drones are blinking and are about to blow up, he realizes that Pepper is probably by one, and he says “Pepper” and shoots off to save her, and drops down and picks her up just as its blowing up…

In that moment when he realizes she is in trouble, he acts immediately. You can see how much he cares about her in these moments.

Yes, I get that this is just a movie and he is a good actor, but I know this kind of thing exists. That even though he is self-conceded, likes himself a bit too much, he puts all that aside when he realizes Pepper was in trouble, and for that moment, he didn’t care about anything except saving her.

I don’t necessarily need to be saved, but to find someone who would think about me like that…that would be fantastic. Here’s hoping.

Guys–we aren’t saying do a fancy dinner every night. We aren’t saying wear a suit every day. We aren’t saying be a lawyer or a doctor so we can afford all of the things that I want…

But surprise us with a dinner date every now and then. Even though you get married or have been dating for awhile, don’t stop trying to somewhat impress each other by dressing nice sometimes. We don’t need you to buy us the world, but surprise us with little things that you know will make us happy–whether that is flowers, a new pair of earrings, a pair of movie tickets…

The number of divorces these days is insane, and I pray it stops. Marriage should be a one-time thing. A lot of people rush into it, or they agree to the proposal because it was in the moment, or they agreed even though they weren’t quite ready. This should be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As you get older, you change a little. You won’t always be a spunky young 23 year old forever, so don’t think that you marriage will be a spunky little thing forever. There are going to be things that you’ll need to work though…TOGETHER.

Work it out, remember why you fell in love, and don’t lose that. I believe there is a “Tony and Pepper love,” “Cory and Topanga love,” and whatever other show or movie you wanna add in here…I believe there is a love for all of us, two people that fit well together. Don’t give up hope, don’t give up on each other.

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I have wondered about this the past few “apocalypses.”

If you are, why are you afraid?

Are you afraid to die? Do you really think that life on Earth is going to be better than life in heaven? Is it because you want to sin some more before you go to heaven? Do you think you will even go to heaven? What makes you think so? Do you know not everyone will?

Do you even believe in heaven or hell? Do you think this is all there is? We live and die and then we are erased? Or do you believe in reincarnation? If so, you’ll have another life again anyway, although I don’t believe in reincarnation.

If you are afraid of going to hell, then maybe you should take a look at what you are doing with your life. One day, you will be forgotten, because everyone who knows you will eventually die too. A lot of people get upset by this fact, but I don’t see why. Why do you need to be remembered by mere humans? Famous people become used by others, because most humans are always thinking about themselves, not you. This is how you get fake friends, fake love, fake respect. People like your looks, your money, your mind…but honestly, they don’t really care about you. And these are the people you want to remember you? Because once you are gone, they move on to a new idol.

The One who knows your name, your faults, fears and pain, your likes and dislikes, the One who has always watched over you, remembers you, the only One who can throw you in hell or bring you to heaven…is the One that is ignored.

We all want to think of God as this guy who loves everything and everyone all the time, sunshine and daisy man. We almost think of Him as a pushover…Yes, God loves us, but there is a reason that the people who love and follow Him also have a healthy fear of Him. We understand what He can do to us, what one day He will have to do to some whom have overcome their hearts with self-love and sin….He will have to throw them into the fire. We are all sinful people, but it’s the ones who want to overcome sin, who choose God over sin, that God wants in His kingdom.

Are you overcome with self-love? Are you one of the people who joke saying, “I might as well live it up and party hard since I’m going to hell anyway.” I used to joke about hell, but it is not a place to joke about. We can imagine whatever we want, but it’ll never come close to the real thing. We know nothing of suffering. No one.

But then stuff like that makes people afraid of hell and Satan. I used to be one of those people too. But like I said, you are only going to hell if you don’t pass through Jesus. He’s the One who died for you, so He’s the One whom will get you in to heaven. Satan will do everything he can to scare you, to get you to sin because sinning is easy. But that’s all Satan can do–scare you. You make your own choice to sin. Why are you afraid of Satan, when God is throwing him along with Satan’s followers into the pit?

God is above everything. When Lucifer wanted God to use His power to control us, God said no. Do you even realize how amazing that is? The gift of free will? The ability to choose? God does not want to control His loved ones, He wants us to willingly choose Him before He brings us to His kingdom. This life is our test. He wants us to live and be happy here the best we can, but sin is not happiness. If it were, He would not throw it in the pit.

I am not trying to preach at you, and if that’s how it feels, I really am sorry. I just want to know why you are afraid to die, when you know you will be dying eventually anyway. This is not the world God wants for us anymore, because it was taken hold of by sin when we chose to disobey Him with the apple. The only rule He had, we broke. But He wants to give us a re-do. He doesn’t want to destroy us, but God is not tame. He does what He has to, because He will not tolerate sin in His kingdom, just like you may not want to tolerate screaming and whiny kids in your house.

But when we strip ourselves of the layers of greed and grudges, of lust and hate, of violence and acting like we are above one another…when we decide that living for Him is more fulfilling than living for ourselves…when we realize just how in the wrong we are, and we ask God to forgive us though we have no reason to deserve such a blessing…that is when we let God into our hearts. That is when He forgives us for our sin because He loves us. He doesn’t need us, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t want us.

I’m sure there’s arguments about this post, and if you would like to discuss anything, feel free to email me–you will find my email on the right side of the page under “Need to Chat Privately”…but I hope you will at least think about some of the things I’ve said. Are you afraid to die? Email me why.

In case some of you don’t know or just forgot….humanity will never know when the world will end. So you can stop buying the “End of the World Survival Guides” and stocking up on dozens of packs of water and food, because you are wasting your time, your money, and adding more pimples and worry lines than you need. When the world does end, none of us are getting out of it alive, so you might as well just settle down and go spend time with your family instead.

Death is not meant to be a frightening thing. It is simply the end of one thing to make room for a new beginning somewhere else. If you are afraid, maybe you should look inside yourself to see why you are afraid.

I, for one, will wait patiently on the Lord until He calls me home. I pray my family will come with me, but when I meet Jesus face to face, I will forget everything else, because nothing else will matter. In a way, I am excited to die. But I believe God keeps us on Earth until our time is up. To kill ourselves before He wants us gone is almost an insult. I pray if things are rough for you right now, that you take it day by day. Ask God for guidance, because He wants to guide you. He will never lead you in to something you can’t handle…but when we ignore His voice and drag ourselves into a pit of misery, we only have ourselves to blame. But to bring yourself out of that, you need to let Him lead you. Satan wants to take over your mind, but God does not enter our hearts until we allow Him in, because we have to choose to let Him in.

–Matthew 24:36 “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.”

–Luke 21:36 “But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.”

Peace and Blessings everyone.

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I’m running out of money to buy coffee from Starbucks or Caribou, and I forgot to bring my coffee maker from home, so I have succumbed to the free coffee that came from church after the service.

As I sip from the flimsy white paper cup, I smile as I watch someone from the window of our college library smack a snowball onto the back of his friend, bursting into a firework. Homemade snowflakes decorate the inside of the window, and I’m tempted to take one down and fold it back up so I can see how they cut it out. I have never been creative with snowflake cutting. Mine become deformed shapes that are barely symmetrical.

Only four days of finals left till Christmas break, and I have been so ready to go home. But for small things, such as the gorgeous view from this window that overlooks the main square of my college covered in snow, I am going to miss it very much. Back home, I am not as close to a library as I am here, and there is a Barns and Noble just a 7 minute drive away, whereas back home the closest one is almost an hour away.

Though I am stressed about finals and want to see my parents, I am going to miss this place. I am studying abroad in Italy next semester, so I won’t even have anymore classes here till next fall.

Though Christmas time is coming, and I am sure you are all planning your Christmas dinners, finding cookie and pie recipes that your mother-in-law will approve of, finishing finals, buying last minute Christmas presents for people you feel obligated to buy for, or even starting to buy presents like me, take a little time to relax for a minute. Pimples have been popping up lately on my face, but it is kind of my own fault because I haven’t been using my time wisely.

You may be stressed now, but one day your kids will be moved out. If you are the kid, you will be moved out of your parents and having Christmas with your own family. Maybe you will move a couple hours away and might not make it home for Christmas next year. In the spring, I will be across the world and won’t be able to spend Easter with my family, so I’m going to use this time now to spend with them.

If you hustle and bustle everyday until Christmas, then be running and organizing all day on Christmas…before you know it, it will be over, and you might not even have enjoyed yourself much. You don’t need to buy expensive stuff all the time. It is okay to save some of your paycheck for next week’s bills.

Take this day, this week, this holiday to remember the things you are blessed with. This holiday is not about getting what you want, or leaving cookies for Santa. Thanksgiving may be over, but Christmas is a time of giving, and even in this time we need to thank God for everything He has given us, for the money and jobs that we can afford to give to others.

Have a good Sunday everyone 🙂

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I finally feel certain of where I want my writing to lead.

I’m sure you have all heard by now of the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting that happened this morning. First and foremost, i offer my condolences, my prayers, my heart, my hugs, my respects to the children that have found their place in heaven and for their families that were left down here. I smile as I imagine Jesus taking their hands and showing them His kingdom, but I bow my head for the families that have to mourn their children. No parent should have to go through something like that. For some, it may have been their first child and maybe even their only child.

I have thought a lot about the idea of suicides and school shootings for the past couple years, and have a feeling that I need to use my writing to reach the people that may take their own lives or do more shootings in the future. There will be bullying in the future, there will be rejection, there will be depression, but I want to be someone who can bring some peace to their frustrations or pent up issues and grudges that are sometimes the reasons that lead to these tragedies. I was an outcast throughout high school, though I have two very dear friends I owe my sanity to.

An old classmate of mine and I were talking about how there needs to be more life lessons taught in schools. Most of our speakers only talked about drinking and driving, which is very important too, but it’s not the only issue. We have people that try to get people to stop bullying, but very few people who talk about how to deal with bullying and whatever else. All through high school, I held grudges on people in my class, and I am still dealing with those grudges now. They fester and build when you don’t deal with them, when you don’t talk to someone about your frustrations  when you don’t know how to forgive someone you hate.

Though many hate the man that killed the children, I yearn to understand what led him to do such a thing. I assume there may have been family problems since he shot his mother, but to continue to kill children…it shocks me, as much as other school shootings have. For a couple kids, they aren’t getting any love at home, some get too much love, and then they don’t know how to handle rejection.  Rejection shapes us, teaches us. If this happens to our kids, we need to help them through it, not shield them from the evils of the world. If we do, then once they are out on their own, they won’t know what to do.

I want to help them through my writing. I want to bring them stories with people who may be in their position, with people who find that they are stronger than the struggles that they go through, people who choose to be better than the people that put them down. I want them to read my blog, my books, my poetry, my short stories, listen to my songs…anything that may begin to change their minds just enough to put the gun down for one more day, to loosen the rope from their necks. We need to lead them away from plans of death and destruction.

This is my mission. This is what I will strive for until my own death.

If you know of anyone that may need a friend to talk to, please have them email me. I would love to talk, I would love to guide in whatever way I can.

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