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Posts Tagged ‘kayla’

You know what sucks? When everyone is against you about something until you succeed…

For example: My grandma’s house and property has been in the family for 12 generations. On this property we have an old barn, the kind with two levels. My dad decides we should fix up the barn and host family gatherings in it since my grandma’s house is getting too small for a family of 65 people with more babies on the way.

Some of my dad’s brothers and sisters thought it would be a waste of money, a waste of time, and probably wouldn’t be worth everything that would be put into it in the end. Even after their complaining, my dad convinced my grandma that we should do it anyway.

After months of buying paint for the outside of the barn, putting in hardwood for the second level, putting new concrete in the bottom level, building a deck to lead up to the second level, putting in a couple fans, putting in new windows, making a bar counter out of a couple old wagon wheels we painted up….we now have a beautiful barn that we have family gatherings in. But now it has also been a success for weddings, ceremonies, receptions, high school reunions, and also a place that other families have wanted to have a family reunion.

After everything that went into the barn, we will soon be making a profit off of it. Now my dad’s siblings boast about the barn, telling everyone how nice it is, all the work that went into it…when some of those people barely ever helped at all.

Some ideas are too big for people to wrap their heads around. No one likes taking risks anymore, especially with money. Yes, a lot of money had to go into the barn to get it to where we wanted it to go. But now months down the line, everyone is in love with it. And all because a couple of people were confident enough to fix up the barn and do what no one else wanted to.

There will be times when people will have faith in your ideas and will follow through with you every step of the way. But there will also be times where you won’t be backed up by  anyone. Sometimes you have to carry out your ideas alone, or at least with very little help. But this does not mean that you shouldn’t do it. The things we want to accomplish in life won’t come with a grain of salt. You will have to risk your money, your time…But won’t it be worth it in the end?

Our barn is beautiful, and no one thought it would turn out as nice as it is. We found some connections with people we knew to get some items cheaper. We got just enough helpers to finish the job, though they were longer hours than what would have been if more people showed up to help. The beginning will be rough, parts of the middle may be rougher, but carry out your ideas, because you may not be fully aware of the awesomeness the final project brings until you start.

Sometimes, some of our ideas aren’t the best and probably shouldn’t be carried out. But I guess that is where you begin to learn what will be worth it and what won’t. Take some risks. Nothing worth having or getting will ever be simple.

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I am a people pleaser. It wasn’t until today that I realized that it is not exactly a good thing.

I try and put others’ happiness before my own. If they are having fun, then I’m more likely to have fun knowing that they are enjoying themselves.

Since I leave for Italy a week from tomorrow, I’ve been realizing just how many friends I have and how hard it is to give everyone a time slot in my schedule.

People like me get walked on a lot. My sister said if people want to see me, then they will fit their schedules to mine, not mine to theirs. I think I have always fit my schedule to everyone else’s.

The bad thing about that, is that somehow everyone’s free time is at the same time. The trouble with that, is that I am a part of a lot of groups of people, and not all the people in those groups would have fun together because they enjoy different stuff and wouldn’t really connect like I do.

Now I am forced to put some people before others, and I hate doing that because I don’t like people feeling like they are less important to me than the other people I am seeing.

It is good to think of others, don’t get me wrong, but I think some of us spend so much time trying to make others happy, that we forget to make ourselves happy.

Any kind of relationship is a two-way thing. I am someone who has gotten into the habit of basically letting the other person stand there while I walk all the way across the line to their side, instead of having them meet me half way. If people want to see you, be with you, spend time with you, then make them do some of the work too. If you are one of the lazier people, then get up off your ass and prove to the other person that you care.

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On Love

It’s written on their purses, tattooed on their wrists, flung with their lips while talking about Edward Cullen. Funny how “like” and “love” are mixed in the same bowl like ketchup and mustard.

On Muscles

Men make me crazy. I don’t try as hard anymore. Sometimes I just need my girls. I watch freshmen who can’t swim dive into pools of thick biceps with lists about roses and candlelight. Desires as plump as their pumpkin carriages drift through them like dreams. From the sidelines I watch them drown.

On Tall and Short

Tall things are giraffes, double-decker buses, basketball hoops. Short things are street cubs, piano benches, teddy bears. Anyone who is a millimeter shorter is considered a dwarf. We need not have the breaking point be as thin as a spider’s web.

On December 21, 2012

What were you so worried about? We are all going to die anyway.

On Driving Home with my Older Sister

Are you going to go on a date soon, or are you going to spend the rest of your life buying cat food? (She’s been in more relationships than she has fingers to count.) Are you going to use that gas pedal or do I have to catch a ride on the next turtle? (She has had 5 speeding tickets as well as crashed her car.) Are you going to be social tonight or are you going to smuggle yourself in your room writing about demons and dragons again?

On Santa Clause

A man who sneaks into people’s houses to drop off mysterious packages. Kids. Secluded workshop. Big old guy who knows where you are and what you do. There are some stories that are a bit suspicious.

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No one should be forgotten.

I think that once we die, we think that we will simply become another snowflake on the ground among the rest of the dead. But I think we need to remember that we are remembered by those who matter.

Do you really need to be remembered by someone who only knows your name? Sure we can name off presidents, famous serial killers, famous inventors. But does it satisfy you to simply be remembered by your name? If they would actually become so interested to look up information, all they would know are facts. They would never know you, so wouldn’t you basically be “forgotten” anyway?

After a time, everyone who knows you will die too. But just because your name may not come up in conversation anymore, that one day tears will stop falling for you, that people will pass by your gravestone to get to someone else’s because no one knows who you are anymore, doesn’t mean you have been erased.

All of us leave a little piece of ourselves when we leave. No matter how small, or even how meaningless it may be to some people, we have all left our mark on the world. The world will never forget your presence, even if the people may.

For me, I do not feel the need to be remembered because I have faith about where I will go once this life has passed. I know that it will be more beautiful, more loving, and happier than this world could ever be. I do not care to be remembered in a world of death and destruction from which sin has taken over.

I will be patient for my death, but I am not afraid of it. But I also won’t waste my time.

Start leaving pieces of yourself in the minds of your friends and family. Leave pieces of advice that you have learned or pass on something that you treasure to someone whom you know will keep it safe and will pass down to others.

Trust me, my friends. The white lights of heaven will make you forget about everything that ever happened on earth. You are remembered by God, and He matters much more than any human in the world.

You will never be forgotten.

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Learn from your Mistakes

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Frustration is a pain in the ass. Not necessarily the things that make us frustrated, but frustration in general. Not everyone is frustrated by the same things. Some people get frustrated by things that others don’t, which is why it is frustration that is frustrating. Wouldn’t you love a life that didn’t have any frustration? That you could accept everything that happens, maybe do some crying, but move on from there without going through the anger stage?

Frustration leads to anger, anger leads us to doing harmful things or saying hurtful things. At the high point, we would all love it if we could just give up and call it quits because that would be easier. Committing suicide would be easier. Maybe suicides were just tired of their problems and wanted them to end. Just think, you’d never have to work, never have to pay bills, never have to get stuck in rush hour traffic again…But we are all still needed here. You are still needed here, whether you know it or not.

The tests of life come at us at every age. Maybe the fan’s shit is hitting you like a baseball pitching machine. Maybe right now you’re good at dodging. But one of these days, you will get hit. Trust me. It won’t be pretty, but you have to know it’s coming. It all depends on how you handle the situation.

I am studying abroad in Italy for three months for the spring semester, and just when I think that after twenty documents and ten people I’ve talked to that I might actually be done. Now I find out that the times on my flight schedule don’t line up, travel insurance that I’ve already paid for hasn’t gone through, and my advisor never gave the “okay” for my classes to go through, though I had already met up and talked with her about them. It seems to be one thing after another, and I am getting so frustrated I wish I could just call off the trip. I am definitely never doing this again. The planning is too much of a headache.

Yes, it’ll be “worth it” once I’m over there, but I’m sure even in your moments of frustration, it is extremely hard to think about what you’re working towards when the present problems are kicking your ass with both feet.

But I’m not going to tell you to close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to tell you to calm down, because the minute someone tells me to calm down, I want to punch them in the face.

What I will tell you is push aside whatever you are doing for at least a couple minutes, and go watch an episode of your favorite show. Stick in your ear buds and listen to some music. Go buy a sandwich or play a video game. Get away from whatever is frustrating you,  and get your head back on straight before you approach it again.

I know that I will not have the patience to be put on hold for another ten minutes with the airline, so I have decided to call them back tomorrow when I will be more willing to deal with it. Do whatever it is you need to do so you don’t feel like giving up. Frustration is a bitch, and it will take you up in flames if you don’t find ways to deal with your strengths and weaknesses. I am off to watch an episode of “Bones” with my sister so I can get my mind lost in a life that isn’t mine.

Just please don’t give up. Even on life. In the moment, you may not give a shit, but later on you will. Get some air and do what you need to do that doesn’t involve tying a noose. Or quitting your job. Or giving up on a marriage. God never puts you in a position that you can’t handle. Believe in yourself.

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So I turned 21 on Christmas Day, and my sister and I had planned to go see the movie Les Miserables after I got done with work. After the movie we had Applebees for supper, and then she had surprised me by taking me bar hopping with some of my friends.

Now I am not going to say that I haven’t drank before the legal age, but I’ve been smart about it if that makes any different at all. I do, however, recommend to those who may be turning this age, or will be eventually in the future, to go with people who actually know what they are doing and know the consequences of certain actions.

Last night, i had 5 shots and 2 mixed drinks in 45 minutes. In a little over 2 hours, i had taken 11 shots and 5 mixed drinks. That is not healthy, even if you are someone who says you could do more. It is especially not good since I only had 2 glasses of water while all this was going on.

So from this, I have a couple lessons for those who may not quite know what you are doing yet:

Lesson 1: Pace yourself. There is no need for you to prove yourself to anyone and you need to be aware of alcohol poisoning. I didn’t really realize how much I had been taking until we started counting and started saying “whoops.”

Lesson 2: Drink plenty of water. Especially before you go to bed. After I took shots, I washed down the taste with a mixed drink. Instead of doing that, I should have replaced the mixed drinks with water. I’m sure most of you know this, and I did too, but I didn’t really listen because I was having too much fun drinking some fruity stuff that tasted better than water. But don’t underestimate what water can do for you. Seriously.

Lesson 3: By the time you think you still aren’t drunk, you are probably drunk. Learn what the word actually means, cause apparently my definition was wrong.

Lesson 4: Have someone who has had what they are feeding you so they know how strong something is. If you aren’t sure, don’t be afraid to ask your bartender questions. Know what you are getting yourself into.

Lesson 5: I would have kept going if my sister hadn’t said it was time to go home. Have someone there to watch your back, pull you out the door to go home, and hold your hair when you puke, no matter how much it smells. Make sure it is someone you trust, because when it comes down to taking care of you, you want someone who is actually going to do it all the way through. Surround yourself with people you will have fun with, but also with people who wont do stupid stuff to you. I had a great group with me last night, and even a couple of the guys were telling me a couple of drinks to never let others convince me to take.

Lesson 6: Walk around when you’re drinking. I sat the whole time at the first bar except for getting up to go to the bathroom, but you dont feel how much you have had to drink until you get up to walk around, and if you have too much and dont walk around, you will fall on your ass or fall asleep next to the toilet if you dont walk around. Walking around lets you feel how much you’ve had so you have a better knowledge of when to stop.

There are, of course, more lessons that you will learn yourself, but start with these and go from there. People may expect you to get drunk, but don’t think that you have to. The sucky feeling you get the next day is really not worth it, and I definitely won’t go as far as I did next time. Sometimes the way you have to learn some things is unpleasant. Doesn’t mean you have to make the same mistakes others have.

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