Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘two-way street’

It is when we are alone that we are at our most honest. There may be things we can never admit to someone else, but the things we do, the things we think—we cannot hide them from ourselves.

I had a rough day. For a while, I have felt like a taxi-cab to some of my friends, a pawn for people’s use whenever they need something because I’m the girl that never learned to say no. But today I admitted to myself that I feel as if there are few people who actually treasure me as a friend.

How do you show people you love them? How do your friends, sister, cousin know you love them? Do you just tell them? Or do you give them hugs, buy them something that reminds you of them, write them a note telling them to have a good day…You do things for them, right? I try to show my Mom I love her by cleaning up the house for her. Now, I feel like my family just expects it from me, as if it doesn’t mean much anymore since I never get a thank you, even if I spent hours cleaning. Do they realize I’m doing it for them? I give my friends rides everywhere, send them random reminders that I was thinking of them and that I love them. I reminisce the fun times we have together and I send them things I know will make them laugh.

I want to mean something to someone. But I’ve come to feel that there are few people that I feel like I actually matter to them. I come running when they need something, because I want to be helpful. I want to be a good friend. But I can also say no and still be a good friend. I have learned that I have no boundaries with the people in my life, and it has turned me into a pushover. Being a pushover is one of most frustrating things in the world, yet I let people push me into doing things for them without asking for anything in return. Because asking for gas money is greedy, right? Asking for them to come see my after I’ve driven to see them so many times is impolite, right?

But I want to see them, so I go. I want to see them, so I pay. But when they don’t return the favor, I feel like it’s a one-sided relationship. They will hangout if I go there. They will hang out if I drive us. They want to see me, but they work these days, so I have to switch my hours so I can go see them.

It’s important to be nice. It’s important to love. There are things we can do for each other to bring happiness to the opposite person. But I feel like I am at the point where no one does anything for me anymore. This may seem greedy, maybe it is, but if anything is to change, I need to be honest with myself about how I really feel instead of slapping on excuses that my heart doesn’t fully feel. In Acts 20:35, it mentions that Jesus said “It is more blessed to give than to recieve.” Maybe one day I will be better at doing this fully, but I believe we also need to look out for ourselves. Luke 6:38 also says, “Give and it will be given to you..” Maybe I’m not looking close enough at what I’m being given. However, I’m not going to do anyone any good or be a truly good friend if I’m secretly grumbling to myself about how I feel like I’m being used.

I get it from my dad. Neither of us can say no, and we always end up doing the things that no one else wants to do. “If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself.” Maybe. But I think there comes a point where some of us end up always doing everything and it puts us in a shallow mood. Instead of asking for gas money, maybe I should just say I can’t give them a ride this time. By not changing anything, nothing will change. Letting your irritations fester inside without letting others know how you feel can turn your heart bitter.

What was the last thing you did for someone? When was the last time someone has done something for you? Remember: Relationships are a two way street. Don’t let your heart become greedy, but don’t let it become bitter either.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »