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Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

I’ve really been working on my self-confidence the past few months. Surrounded by pretty girls all the time can make anyone feel self-conscious, especially when the majority of them are skinny and go for runs everyday while I sit my lazy butt on the couch and read a book. It would probably help if I didn’t eat seven pieces of pizza the other day, and I could have probably skipped the hot chocolate and chocolate Easter eggs that I had tonight, but then when I look at the older people I know, they would probably gain weight from lettuce. My metabolism may not be as high as others, but it’s definitely better now than it will be when I’m thirty. 

I have an unhealthy love for chocolate, I’ll admit it, but maybe because chocolate is the laces to my shoe. Maybe it becomes the Tequila to my margarita and pretends to be all sweet and innocent until it starts blowing up my love handles like balloon animals. But then I look in the mirror and say, “Hey, ya still got a pretty face. Wear a tshirt today and no one will even notice.” 

I live in the country, and when I’m hanging out with people I love simply being in jeans and a baseball cap, yet nowadays I hope for more hours at work just so I can go shopping for more clothes. We are never satisfied with what we have. Even when I have lost a couple pounds off my hips, I feel I still need to be skinnier. When we get money we wish for more money. It is an exhausting, never-ending cycle of wants instead of needs and complainers who like to bitch about things just so they can find someone who feels sorry for them. 

Honey, I don’t care how much you weigh. I don’t give a rats ass if you have a pimple on your forehead, crooked teeth, weird toenails, or the fact that you may need to pluck your eyebrows. 

And yes, there will be other people who care, but you know who has to live with it? You and only you. Maybe a husband or wife once you get that far, but if something small like that is going to break your relationship, then that’s pretty pathetic. 

I have a couple curves that probably don’t need to be there. I wish I had gotten braces when I was younger so I could have a nicer smile and or that I could find the will to stop chewing my nails so I can wear fingernail polish again, but when I get up in the morning, I don’t necessarily always feel beautiful, but I’m comfortable enough with myself to be okay with it. 

There will always be someone who doesn’t like you. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, funnier, nicer, taller, skinnier, and so on and so forth. If you can find satisfaction with yourself, then simply give a smile to the rest of the world, even if you decide to walk out in sweatpants for the day. If you don’t mind, they don’t matter. 

I don’t need to know who you are to tell you that you have something beautiful about yourself. The more you put-down yourself, the easier it is for you to let others put you down. Confidence itself can be beautiful when it’s not taken over the top. Start there, and you’ll find what makes you beautiful.

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We’re all waiting for something.
Sit with a coffee at the airport and guess who will stand up when someone walks through the door.

We are all lazy in something.
Wait in the frozen food section and see who picks out the pizzas and frozen alfredo.

We all have something that makes us happy.
See the girl sitting on the top suitcase of an airport cart,
the joy on her face as her father pushes her. The Simplicity.

Live while you’re waiting, even in the small things,
otherwise you are simply waiting to die.

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I saw his white hair before anything else.
Maybe it was his trembling legs
as he took the steps one by one off the plane.
Though his suitcase small
he struggled to hold it as if it was stone.
Those behind him remained silent
but their tapping fingers along the rail
brought a frown to my eyes…
Yet I have been one of them.

His wife waited at the bottom
like a mother at the end of a slide.
He seemed to learn a little too far forward
and I bit my lip.
A few steps can feel like you’re falling down a mountain.
Broken bones could occur.

Maybe he does it to prove that dozens of lines on his face
does not define his strength.
Maybe he faces the stairs because he wanted to see his granddaughter
walk down the aisle.
Maybe retirement was the only time he had money
to see the world.

Or perhaps stubbornness simply multiplies with wrinkles. 

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You know what’s annoying? The person that says, “I wanna do this, but I don’t wanna be the only one…”

Sadly, sometimes that person is still me, though I’m trying to get out of that way of thinking.

Why are we afraid to stand out? Even as we make a fool of ourselves in front of our friends, for some reason we care what strangers think. I think we let ourselves miss out on so much crazy random happenstances just because we don’t want to be seen by someone else. But ever think that the reason you do some of those things is a reason people love you? Never be afraid to be yourself, even if others who don’t know you happen to see. Even if you do know the people, let them see you for who you really are. No one gets to be who you are, so why hide the you that is unique and fun and crazy?

Now of course, I have friends who have wild imaginations, so don’t take my words out of context as if I’m making it okay for you to do something bad. Just don’t stop yourself from screaming out the hotel window, “Good Morning America!” or breaking out the dance to the song “Gangnam Style” when you hear it in a random place. Do what you would do if it was just you and your friend hanging out. You don’t need to be mature all the time, or you will just become stiff. 

Don’t feel that you need to wait till someone else is being weird with you.

All in all, just enjoy being you, no matter what age.

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You know what sucks? When everyone is against you about something until you succeed…

For example: My grandma’s house and property has been in the family for 12 generations. On this property we have an old barn, the kind with two levels. My dad decides we should fix up the barn and host family gatherings in it since my grandma’s house is getting too small for a family of 65 people with more babies on the way.

Some of my dad’s brothers and sisters thought it would be a waste of money, a waste of time, and probably wouldn’t be worth everything that would be put into it in the end. Even after their complaining, my dad convinced my grandma that we should do it anyway.

After months of buying paint for the outside of the barn, putting in hardwood for the second level, putting new concrete in the bottom level, building a deck to lead up to the second level, putting in a couple fans, putting in new windows, making a bar counter out of a couple old wagon wheels we painted up….we now have a beautiful barn that we have family gatherings in. But now it has also been a success for weddings, ceremonies, receptions, high school reunions, and also a place that other families have wanted to have a family reunion.

After everything that went into the barn, we will soon be making a profit off of it. Now my dad’s siblings boast about the barn, telling everyone how nice it is, all the work that went into it…when some of those people barely ever helped at all.

Some ideas are too big for people to wrap their heads around. No one likes taking risks anymore, especially with money. Yes, a lot of money had to go into the barn to get it to where we wanted it to go. But now months down the line, everyone is in love with it. And all because a couple of people were confident enough to fix up the barn and do what no one else wanted to.

There will be times when people will have faith in your ideas and will follow through with you every step of the way. But there will also be times where you won’t be backed up by  anyone. Sometimes you have to carry out your ideas alone, or at least with very little help. But this does not mean that you shouldn’t do it. The things we want to accomplish in life won’t come with a grain of salt. You will have to risk your money, your time…But won’t it be worth it in the end?

Our barn is beautiful, and no one thought it would turn out as nice as it is. We found some connections with people we knew to get some items cheaper. We got just enough helpers to finish the job, though they were longer hours than what would have been if more people showed up to help. The beginning will be rough, parts of the middle may be rougher, but carry out your ideas, because you may not be fully aware of the awesomeness the final project brings until you start.

Sometimes, some of our ideas aren’t the best and probably shouldn’t be carried out. But I guess that is where you begin to learn what will be worth it and what won’t. Take some risks. Nothing worth having or getting will ever be simple.

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I am a people pleaser. It wasn’t until today that I realized that it is not exactly a good thing.

I try and put others’ happiness before my own. If they are having fun, then I’m more likely to have fun knowing that they are enjoying themselves.

Since I leave for Italy a week from tomorrow, I’ve been realizing just how many friends I have and how hard it is to give everyone a time slot in my schedule.

People like me get walked on a lot. My sister said if people want to see me, then they will fit their schedules to mine, not mine to theirs. I think I have always fit my schedule to everyone else’s.

The bad thing about that, is that somehow everyone’s free time is at the same time. The trouble with that, is that I am a part of a lot of groups of people, and not all the people in those groups would have fun together because they enjoy different stuff and wouldn’t really connect like I do.

Now I am forced to put some people before others, and I hate doing that because I don’t like people feeling like they are less important to me than the other people I am seeing.

It is good to think of others, don’t get me wrong, but I think some of us spend so much time trying to make others happy, that we forget to make ourselves happy.

Any kind of relationship is a two-way thing. I am someone who has gotten into the habit of basically letting the other person stand there while I walk all the way across the line to their side, instead of having them meet me half way. If people want to see you, be with you, spend time with you, then make them do some of the work too. If you are one of the lazier people, then get up off your ass and prove to the other person that you care.

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Frustration is a pain in the ass. Not necessarily the things that make us frustrated, but frustration in general. Not everyone is frustrated by the same things. Some people get frustrated by things that others don’t, which is why it is frustration that is frustrating. Wouldn’t you love a life that didn’t have any frustration? That you could accept everything that happens, maybe do some crying, but move on from there without going through the anger stage?

Frustration leads to anger, anger leads us to doing harmful things or saying hurtful things. At the high point, we would all love it if we could just give up and call it quits because that would be easier. Committing suicide would be easier. Maybe suicides were just tired of their problems and wanted them to end. Just think, you’d never have to work, never have to pay bills, never have to get stuck in rush hour traffic again…But we are all still needed here. You are still needed here, whether you know it or not.

The tests of life come at us at every age. Maybe the fan’s shit is hitting you like a baseball pitching machine. Maybe right now you’re good at dodging. But one of these days, you will get hit. Trust me. It won’t be pretty, but you have to know it’s coming. It all depends on how you handle the situation.

I am studying abroad in Italy for three months for the spring semester, and just when I think that after twenty documents and ten people I’ve talked to that I might actually be done. Now I find out that the times on my flight schedule don’t line up, travel insurance that I’ve already paid for hasn’t gone through, and my advisor never gave the “okay” for my classes to go through, though I had already met up and talked with her about them. It seems to be one thing after another, and I am getting so frustrated I wish I could just call off the trip. I am definitely never doing this again. The planning is too much of a headache.

Yes, it’ll be “worth it” once I’m over there, but I’m sure even in your moments of frustration, it is extremely hard to think about what you’re working towards when the present problems are kicking your ass with both feet.

But I’m not going to tell you to close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to tell you to calm down, because the minute someone tells me to calm down, I want to punch them in the face.

What I will tell you is push aside whatever you are doing for at least a couple minutes, and go watch an episode of your favorite show. Stick in your ear buds and listen to some music. Go buy a sandwich or play a video game. Get away from whatever is frustrating you,  and get your head back on straight before you approach it again.

I know that I will not have the patience to be put on hold for another ten minutes with the airline, so I have decided to call them back tomorrow when I will be more willing to deal with it. Do whatever it is you need to do so you don’t feel like giving up. Frustration is a bitch, and it will take you up in flames if you don’t find ways to deal with your strengths and weaknesses. I am off to watch an episode of “Bones” with my sister so I can get my mind lost in a life that isn’t mine.

Just please don’t give up. Even on life. In the moment, you may not give a shit, but later on you will. Get some air and do what you need to do that doesn’t involve tying a noose. Or quitting your job. Or giving up on a marriage. God never puts you in a position that you can’t handle. Believe in yourself.

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