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Posts Tagged ‘problems’

Life is a string of piñatas. Sometimes there’s candy, sometimes there’s mice, and sometimes there’s cow dung.

This past semester was one of the hardest semesters of my life, both mentally (class load) and emotionally. Past issues that I thought were healed were only scabbed over, and all of it bled into my eyes, my anger, and my self-esteem. I was crying about something at least every other week. I took on two writing classes with two literature classes, all of which involved their own amounts of reading and writing, while tacking on two other classes and an assistant editor position on my school’s literary journal. I felt like I was half-assing not only my homework, but my relationships with my friends. I pulled three all-nighters in a row because I wanted to be there for them.

But the truth is I can’t be there for everyone. I can’t make it to every party, every concert, every bonfire because I really like sleep. I fall more than I catch myself, I don’t give myself enough “me” time, and when my time of the month comes, I’m going to be a bitch because being a woman can be a pain in the ass.

There will never be enough time in a day. I may spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how to better prioritize the things I want to do with the things I need to do and still not find a good balance.

But this is not a pity party. I want to remind you that if you feel like the semester is never going to end, if you hate your job, if you are sick of putting on a smile to people you don’t even like, hang in there.

You will probably meet a lot of fake people in your life. You may find the people who know exactly what to say to get you to do something, you may drown in the bills that pack like dirt in your mailbox, you may find yourself crying at night because your day was just plain crappy. Don’t be fooled thinking the person you pass by in the hallway, the cashier taking your order, or the person surrounded by friends at the coffee shop are all flying high. Cute clothes and a smile are only a show sometimes. There are a lot of good liars in this world.

But if there is a down, there’s an up. I passed my classes, I had a memorable Christmas break, and I worked out my financial problems just in time to take on another round of classes. I can’t go shopping for a while, but I can pay for groceries. Sometimes you just need to pick yourself up enough to get through one more day.

But that’s life. No one skirts their way around all their problems. You can dodge some, but you can’t dodge everything. So if you need to cry, find the Kleenex box and fill the trash can. If you need to vent, grab someone you trust and spew away. Make a pot of coffee and finish that stupid project, take a walk so you don’t destroy public property, and find something that makes you laugh so that, for just a moment, you can remember what it’s like to be stress-free.

It’s going to suck sometimes. You’re going to want to go home when you can’t, but hang tight. You’re going to want to give up, but hold on. “There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.” 

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I caught myself sitting on the sidelines today.

I was on Facebook looking through quotes on a page called “Truth Seekers.” Most of them were inspiring and I just wanted to keep reading. I pinned a bunch of them on my Pinterest and found myself looking through Pinterest at other inspiring quotes. They talked about truth and nature, about God and not letting others turn you into something you’re not. Some were about the government, and a few showed pictures of that one single person standing in front of a line of military trucks. Others talked about being the change we want to see in the world. I found myself nodding and smiling as if I agreed…

Yet here I sit on the computer, agreeing that something should be done.

And I repeat: Yet here I sit on the computer, going through Pinterest and Facebook.

I feel gifted that I can see life differently from others. I’ve learned to pay attention to the simple things. I feel a pull to help the suffering, yet at the moment I don’t have the motivation.

This annoys me to no end. It annoys me that I could be smarter than what I am, I would just rather be reading a fiction book than studying for my history test which involves real things that happened that I should know about. I find myself at times staring at the clock at work, waiting to leave when I forget that at least I have a job that pays for the bills and gas and could be using this time to brighten someone’s day or get to know someone new.

We forget. We aren’t motivated.

I think those are two of the biggest things we tend to struggle with. It’s not always that we don’t see the problems out there, though that tends to be a factor sometimes. But we would simply rather sit at home and let someone else do it.

But then nothing changes, because we all expect that someone else will do it.

We are lazy. We are complainers.

We would rather hear a lie that sounds like the truth, rather than hear the truth that hurts. We say we would rather know the truth, but there sure as hell is more lies being accepted and heard rather than the truth. Sometimes we don’t want to hear the truth, but it comes out eventually anyways, and then twice as many people become hurt.

We are greedy. We are beginning to love things more than people.

I looked at a stack of ones from when I waitressed the other day, and part of me wanted to rip them in half. Why do we fight over paper? Why do we think it will get us anywhere? Money evaporates into things we want instead of to people in need of help. Why are the people in the working class with little money giving more to organizations than people in the upper classes? Why do you need a mansion for one person? Do you feel better swimming in your indoor pool when the money you used on that new car could have gone to an orphanage where a kid is looking for a place to call home? They say unless we give when we have little, we are less likely to give when we have a lot. Money changed people, don’t let it change you. Do you really need a new shirt today? Maybe save it for college. Things get worn out, break. We use our money for things that bring short-term happiness. Stop looking for short-term and search for long-term. We are here to love people, not things, so use your money for people, not yourself.

If you don’t want to make change happen by yourself, then find someone to go with you. If not, then stop complaining. Nothing will change unless we make it change. Things tend to stay the same because people are too worried of their stupid reputations or being thought of as different. We would rather keep certain people in our lives rather than do what’s right or what needs to be done.

But I think we tend to forget this as well: Small things make big changes. Yes, we need people ding drastic things. But even if it’s not drastic, just do something. Volunteer at a pet shelter, study the government problems and educate others who aren’t informed on the struggles, volunteer at a women’s shelter, at an orphanage, donate money, give someone on the street a sandwich. They are small, but when we don’t know where to start, it is best to start somewhere doing something other than sitting on the couch. Just because the couch is comfy doesn’t mean it’s where we should be.

I refuse to be that person anymore. I may not know what I’m going to do yet, but I’ll figure it out. You can join me, or you can turn your back like everyone else. But just know that things only get worse when they go unsolved, unchanged, ignored.

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Frustration is a pain in the ass. Not necessarily the things that make us frustrated, but frustration in general. Not everyone is frustrated by the same things. Some people get frustrated by things that others don’t, which is why it is frustration that is frustrating. Wouldn’t you love a life that didn’t have any frustration? That you could accept everything that happens, maybe do some crying, but move on from there without going through the anger stage?

Frustration leads to anger, anger leads us to doing harmful things or saying hurtful things. At the high point, we would all love it if we could just give up and call it quits because that would be easier. Committing suicide would be easier. Maybe suicides were just tired of their problems and wanted them to end. Just think, you’d never have to work, never have to pay bills, never have to get stuck in rush hour traffic again…But we are all still needed here. You are still needed here, whether you know it or not.

The tests of life come at us at every age. Maybe the fan’s shit is hitting you like a baseball pitching machine. Maybe right now you’re good at dodging. But one of these days, you will get hit. Trust me. It won’t be pretty, but you have to know it’s coming. It all depends on how you handle the situation.

I am studying abroad in Italy for three months for the spring semester, and just when I think that after twenty documents and ten people I’ve talked to that I might actually be done. Now I find out that the times on my flight schedule don’t line up, travel insurance that I’ve already paid for hasn’t gone through, and my advisor never gave the “okay” for my classes to go through, though I had already met up and talked with her about them. It seems to be one thing after another, and I am getting so frustrated I wish I could just call off the trip. I am definitely never doing this again. The planning is too much of a headache.

Yes, it’ll be “worth it” once I’m over there, but I’m sure even in your moments of frustration, it is extremely hard to think about what you’re working towards when the present problems are kicking your ass with both feet.

But I’m not going to tell you to close your eyes and breathe. I’m not going to tell you to calm down, because the minute someone tells me to calm down, I want to punch them in the face.

What I will tell you is push aside whatever you are doing for at least a couple minutes, and go watch an episode of your favorite show. Stick in your ear buds and listen to some music. Go buy a sandwich or play a video game. Get away from whatever is frustrating you,  and get your head back on straight before you approach it again.

I know that I will not have the patience to be put on hold for another ten minutes with the airline, so I have decided to call them back tomorrow when I will be more willing to deal with it. Do whatever it is you need to do so you don’t feel like giving up. Frustration is a bitch, and it will take you up in flames if you don’t find ways to deal with your strengths and weaknesses. I am off to watch an episode of “Bones” with my sister so I can get my mind lost in a life that isn’t mine.

Just please don’t give up. Even on life. In the moment, you may not give a shit, but later on you will. Get some air and do what you need to do that doesn’t involve tying a noose. Or quitting your job. Or giving up on a marriage. God never puts you in a position that you can’t handle. Believe in yourself.

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I finally feel certain of where I want my writing to lead.

I’m sure you have all heard by now of the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting that happened this morning. First and foremost, i offer my condolences, my prayers, my heart, my hugs, my respects to the children that have found their place in heaven and for their families that were left down here. I smile as I imagine Jesus taking their hands and showing them His kingdom, but I bow my head for the families that have to mourn their children. No parent should have to go through something like that. For some, it may have been their first child and maybe even their only child.

I have thought a lot about the idea of suicides and school shootings for the past couple years, and have a feeling that I need to use my writing to reach the people that may take their own lives or do more shootings in the future. There will be bullying in the future, there will be rejection, there will be depression, but I want to be someone who can bring some peace to their frustrations or pent up issues and grudges that are sometimes the reasons that lead to these tragedies. I was an outcast throughout high school, though I have two very dear friends I owe my sanity to.

An old classmate of mine and I were talking about how there needs to be more life lessons taught in schools. Most of our speakers only talked about drinking and driving, which is very important too, but it’s not the only issue. We have people that try to get people to stop bullying, but very few people who talk about how to deal with bullying and whatever else. All through high school, I held grudges on people in my class, and I am still dealing with those grudges now. They fester and build when you don’t deal with them, when you don’t talk to someone about your frustrations  when you don’t know how to forgive someone you hate.

Though many hate the man that killed the children, I yearn to understand what led him to do such a thing. I assume there may have been family problems since he shot his mother, but to continue to kill children…it shocks me, as much as other school shootings have. For a couple kids, they aren’t getting any love at home, some get too much love, and then they don’t know how to handle rejection.  Rejection shapes us, teaches us. If this happens to our kids, we need to help them through it, not shield them from the evils of the world. If we do, then once they are out on their own, they won’t know what to do.

I want to help them through my writing. I want to bring them stories with people who may be in their position, with people who find that they are stronger than the struggles that they go through, people who choose to be better than the people that put them down. I want them to read my blog, my books, my poetry, my short stories, listen to my songs…anything that may begin to change their minds just enough to put the gun down for one more day, to loosen the rope from their necks. We need to lead them away from plans of death and destruction.

This is my mission. This is what I will strive for until my own death.

If you know of anyone that may need a friend to talk to, please have them email me. I would love to talk, I would love to guide in whatever way I can.

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